My Middle School Diary

Yesterday, a friend of mine posted the terrible poetry he wrote in 7th grade on his blog. It was positively hilarious. This is what I was thinking as I read the poetry in a bout of insomnia at 4AM in the morning. I wondered if I myself owned such gems of immature angst.

I didn't write much poetry when I was younger, but I did keep a diary for sometime, and it was certainly hilarious.

Some names have been changed to protect the identities of those I thought would be cool to call douchebags.

Here, I proudly share with you my life and times as a 7th grader.

Ellen has fun with children

3/8/09

Today is when I realized Marissa is not an innocent little girl. She got into fights with her brother and Chris. I tried to break it up but it wasn't easy. She even said to me, "I bet you're too afraid to pick me up." What an attitude. That's not how you speak to someone three years older than you. 

Ellen lets her imagination roam free

3/9/09

Before school: Thought of the randomness thing - lesbian frogs

Ellen asks her English teacher an important question

3/11/09

Period 11: I asked Mr. Conroy if he knew what "That's what she said" meant. He told me to go sit down. 

Ellen has fun with friends

3/16/09

I have the impression Ben is trying to bully me...On Wednesday I said yay the SS Hw is due on Monday. Then he's like Ellen you're due on Monday. I think you're too young for that. 

Ellen learns about pop music

3/20/09

I finally figured out what If U Seek Amy means.

Ellen shops at French Connection

3/22/09

We went and bought this awesome dress for $130 (it was on sale). Then I performed at Steinway. I looked really good. In fact they clapped more when I came on than when I left. 

Ellen enters an insult battle

3/23/09

Ben and I went to WAR. It all started when Aaron was talking to a bunch of 6th graders. Ben called him a pedofile so I'm like haha your a pedofile now sing like Michael Jackson. Then Ben called me a rapist and said I raped a ton of people including Adam (Adam is a douche). I got mad so I said he raped Sally, to which he replied, "Yes, but it was horrible. Never again."

I ran out of insults, so we made a truce at 4th period. 

The rest of the day was just like stuff, but guess what? Chicken butt. 

Ellen is homophobic

3/24/09

We watched a cool movie in SS. At least it WAS cool until right before we left and this guy was talking to this other guy and he's like what do you want? Then the other guy said you know what I want and KISSED him. Eww, gay kisses are gross.

Ellen can't stop asking questions

3/25/09

I made a bet in the morning that I wouldn't ask any questions until school started. I failed 2 seconds later when Aaron said "What's that?" and I'm like "What?"

Ellen sees an off off broadway show

3/28/09

My parents did something horrible. They made me see a sick, sick off off broadway show. 

I mean they pulled down a guy's pants and I'm pretty sure he was going commando. That, or he was wearing a black thong. They gave alcohol out to the audience. People drank beer and talked about sex and stuff. Not only that, it was all Balkan music, and I could barely understand what was going on. At least my bro shared in my pain. 

After the show was over, I litteraly said out loud loudly, What the fuck. I can't believe my parents make me see stuff like this. My mom was also drinking. Now I've learned to think twice before I see an off off broadway show. 

Ellen gets an iPhone

3/30/09

Today, I showed everyone my iPhone, but a lot of them already knew I had one through facebook. That's creppy. 

Ellen enjoys April Fools

4/1/09

Oh my gosh. I pulled the best prank ever. 

I had pixy stick. Some of them were used. I gave some people ones with pixy dust and others just empty containers. They looked like a little kid who's candy was taken away. Right before they cry. 

Ellen tries to explain a fight to a teacher

4/2/09

The other art teacher who I don't know came out and she's like what's going on. I told her they took Ryan's pants and she said too much information. 

Ellen goes to a Bat Mitzvah

4/3/09

Apparently Ben likes the Mets a lot. And to think I thought he was on the comp all day watching anime about frogs. 

...

We played more truth or dare, although it was more like dare byotch. I got dared to pat Ben's hair lovengly and lick a plate covered in pepper.