Design and Branding

In the beginning of April, I developed a spontaneous interest in graphic design. I particularly liked Swiss graphic design because of its simplicity and purity.

These are basically the standards for Swiss international style

• Sans-serif font in focus (specifically fonts like Helvetica)
• Angles
• Geometric shapes
• Monochromatic images

For my book, I thought it would be a good idea to implement this style. It's easy to do, it looks goods, and I like it.

Covers
These are my drafts for the front and back cover so far. I haven't decided as a title yet, so I simply put "Malarkey." The back will likely be filled with false praises.

I put a rose on the front cover because my name middle name is Rose and my blog was Ellen Rose Writes so it seemed appropriate. On the back I wanted the image of a garden, so I put a field of tulips. The green boxes are there for flavor. I think they add a nice touch.

The front cover has its text and images at an angle, while the back cover is parallel. I'm not sure if this inconsistency is an issue.

I am very pleased with this design, although I do not know how relevant it is to my book or its content. That is a bit concerning, but I could probably make something work.

Interior Layout

Translating Swiss design to the interior is not an easy task, considering that the design was mostly utilized on covers, which are more imagistic and less paragraph-based.

Fonts

To keep up the consistency of the cover title font, I made the headings in Helvetica (particularly Helvetica Neue but the two are quite similar). The text I put in Garamond because a number of websites recommended the two as a good match, and one website said that sans-serif fonts in large paragraphs are difficult to read, which I agree with.

Images

I've been debating how to include images into my work. Pieces that have long sentences and paragraphs do well with an accompanying top image.

However, poetry or lists do not fair well with this layout.

Text, where you go?

One solution is to center the text.

Another solution is to put the image on the previous page.

Geometric shapes work well for my soap suds piece, because I can make the circles represent soap suds. However, some other pieces don't lend as well to pure geometric shapes.

To maintain the style, I made some images monochromatic.

Concerns

I have two primary concerns

1. Is Swiss style too edgy/robotic?

Yes, the covers look great, and its nice to have a clean aesthetic. However, is there TOO much Helvetica? Does the edgyness of the design detract from the material?

In addition, am I losing out by not utilizing my drawing skills that I've been recently developing? Though I am not utilizing these skills, I do save time by creating everything digitally, and I do think it is a valid design choice.

2. How will I get all of the images I need?

I want to avoid copyright as much as possible. This involves making my own images. The first image of the soap suds was made by me. The second picture was a photograph taken by me. Simple enough.

What about another piece that is dedicated to Tommy Wiseau? How am I supposed to get an image of him without copyright issues? I don't even know how I would create one of my own.

Other pieces like Io the Disney Princess may require me to take my own photographs. This is possible, but it is also time consuming.

I basically have nine days from this point, and I still haven't revised all of my pieces.

Does every piece even need an image? I suppose that's something else to ask.

Summary

I do think I can pull this off if I cut corners. I've already started and I have many images done.

I would like to know if I'm going in the right direction with my bold design choices, or if my book is starting to look too mechanical.

Too Personal

I am coming into contact with an issue that many artists likely face once they start to make enough work, but I shall discuss it anyhow.

Art is autobiographical. But when does art get too autobiographical?

As I talked about in my previous post, I'm generally averted to serious art because it seems too linked to me emotionally. This causes some issues.

1. People may not care about my emotions very much, and thus it might be more of a self-satisfying rant than anything else
2. People might start questioning my personal motivations for each piece, thus trying to examine and analyze my psychological issues more than I am comfortable with
3. It's hard to emotionally detach from the work, making it more difficult to digest criticism
4. Most of the time, I am not a very serious person, and writing serious pieces can put me in a mood that I don't like, or that I do not see as a predominant mood

Let me address each of these one by one

Who Cares?

There are two answers for this.

(1) I care about my work, even if no one else does. I can write work without the intention of sharing it with anyone, and that's okay.

(2) If other people care about my work, that gives it public value. What determines if they care? I don't know, but if they care, then it's important. Nirvana was the music of one incredibly angsty man, but a lot of people care to hear it. Allie Brosh only writes stories about herself, and people care about that.

Close friends and family generally care about my work, mostly because they are obligated to. How can I tell if other people care? I suppose I simply need to put myself out there more. If I don't get positive responses, clearly I will have to change something.

Psychoanalysis

I don't want my art to turn into Read It and Weep. For those who don't know, it's a Disney channel film about a girl whose diary becomes a best seller, and all the people in her life realize the characters are based on them, which causes them all to hate her. That's scary! I don't want to do that. I love my friends. Though I get upset with them sometimes (as everyone does with their own friends), overall they are incredibly wonderful people. 

Of course, it's usually negative emotions that drive you to make art. You don't make a story about "the day that was wonderful where nothing went wrong." So if art tends to be autobiographical, and art is also inspired by negative experiences, that could make a dangerous combination if one is not careful.

Still, you have people like Taylor Swift who write about all of their ex-boyfriends, and people eat up that crap like desert.

I think the best way to deal with this is to listen to my gut. If I think, "This could cause problems," then there's a really good chance I'm right. If you've seen some of the stuff I've written on this blog, or the crap that's come out of my mouth, you can see that I am a person with few boundaries. So if my gut is trying to tell me something, I'm probably doing something very risky, and I should re-evaluate.

Emotional Detachment

I think the simple solution to this issue is time. Right when I write something I care about it. Next week I care a little less. A month later and it's sitting at the bottom of my dusty mental shelf, beneath the new load of things I have written to supplant it.

Mood

I think the way to deal with mood is to simply make a choice on the mood that you want. Of course, you don't want to make a choice that suppresses your creativity. On the other hand, you need to be careful of engaging too heavily in certain moods, or else you will go insane. 

For example, I realized listening to Nirvana would worsen my already negative mood and lead me to make poor decisions. It would perpetuate bad feelings and bad habits. So, I forbade myself from listening to Nirvana nearly two years ago. That's also about the same time my enduring depression ended. There is probably more of a correlation between the two than I would like to admit.

Nirvana is an excellent band, no doubt. But I can't make art like Nirvana because Nirvana has caused harm to my life, and I would never want to do that to other people. Yes, it was also good for me to listen to Nirvana when I was depressed because I felt like Kurt Cobain sympathized with me, but the relationship between me and the ghost of Cobain was horribly toxic.

Some artists thrive in negativity. Negativity is addictive, both to the artist themselves and the consumer of art. Must we sacrifice sympathy for emotional stability?

Let me give you a notorious example. In Goethe's book The Sorrows of Young Werther, the protagonists commits suicide in a glorified manner. This resulted in a phenomenon called copycat suicide, where men were inspired by Young Werther to take their own lives.

Should Goethe be at least partially responsible for these deaths?

Of course that's pretty extreme, but I think it gets my point across.

I think the decision of mood has been at least partially made for me. I do not want to make art that drives people to be depressive or suicidal. At the same time, I do not want to be a comedic fluff, or else I wouldn't be having this conflict in the first place.

Where is the balance? Perhaps I will not understand my general mood (and general style) until I make more work. I will have to swing between two sides of the pendulum before I fall into balance.

Although after bringing up this idea, I'm actually very interested in discussing the question of art and mood, and art's obligation to society as a mood setter.

Serious Art and Victory Lap (by George Saunders)

Serious Art
Most of this week, I haven't been doing my usual silly daily posts. I haven't wanted to write lists. I've wanted to write stories. Somewhat humorous stories, but mainly serious. I don't know why exactly. Perhaps the stress of APs put me in a more somber mood. Or maybe I'm starting to mature...Maybe not that.

I've always had more ambivalent feelings about serious art. I think this is because I set up a construct for myself where I can only tell a tragic experience if I've had a decent amount of personal experience dealing with it. Otherwise, I wouldn't know what it's like, and the story would simply come out shallow. On the other hand, I do not think my life is very tragic, so my material is limited. In addition, I think that simply writing about myself over and over again is sophomoric. Of course every piece of art is autobiographical, but when it becomes more explicit, where is the line between art and whining?

This is why I feel much more comfortable in humor. Humor isn't feeling emotion. It's mocking emotion. It's so much easier to mock emotion than to feel it, because feeling emotion is uncomfortable and unpleasant. Not to mention, it is easier to handle criticism for a humorous piece than for a serious one, because a criticism for a serious piece feels more personal. Also, I think I'm better quality-wise at humor.

In my ideal world, I would be able to combine both seamlessly and create a story that contained emotional depth without overdoing it. Something that says "This is how people feel, and it's kind of silly, but it's worth acknowledging nonetheless because it's tough to deal with."

I think this has something to do with my attitude about emotions in general. I believe that emotions should not be ignored, but at the same time, I think giving them too much value causes people to be controlled by their emotions, which leads them to making poor decisions. There is a line between underacknowledgment and overacknowledgment, but it is blurry.

Regardless of my apprehensions, I've decided to try and write serious stories anyway. I actually enjoy them quite a bit, because I find them a useful way to work through my own thoughts and issues. My art has given me insights on my own life. I'll give myself better advice in my art than I do in my head. Isn't that funny?

If my work seems mediocre and juvenile, I don't think that's much of a surprise considering that I'm only seventeen. Also, I only started creative writing on a regular basis a few months ago. At this point, I think I'm still allowed to suck.

Victory Lap
Now this is only the first George Saunders piece I have read, so I do not I have seen enough to make judgments about him as a whole. But I definitely had some strong opinions about the piece that I did read.

Saunder's style was completely unexpected to me when I first read it. Nearly every sentence was a fragment, proper grammatical rules for dialogue were completely abandoned, and he used {} symbols, which I can't even name. I don't think I actually understood what was happening until I was halfway through the story. The more I read, the more I enjoyed Saunder's style. It's an adapted taste, like Tom Waits.

When I reached the end, I had very mixed feelings about the story as a whole. My problem with it is that it did not seem realistic. I'm not saying that all stories need to be realistic. Science fiction is great. However, I felt like it was passing itself off as something legitimately realistic, even though the situation did not seem very plausible. This made the piece seem a bit contrived to me. I know that pedophiles and crazy people exist, but the whole scenario of a man going to a girl's house and having the girl be rescued by a teenager beating the man in the head with a geode, I don't know. Maybe the flaw is with the genre more than the writer. Maybe it's just not my type of art.

After reading Victory Lap and having these complaints, I decided to try to write my own piece in his style that seemed more realistic. They say "make the art that you want to see." That's what I did.

But being of serious nature, I don't particularly feel like sharing it.

My Future Art

The works that I've been gathering for my book have been the best humorous pieces. However, if some of my more serious pieces are legitimately good, I may want to include them too and give the book a theme of duality.

Before I decide that though, I need someone to tell me if my serious work is junk or not, because it's difficult for me to tell.

Personal Style

The post that I am about to embark on is going to be strange and abstract, but it is absolutely related to my artistic process and development.

The more I make art, the more I am coming to understand that art is a metaphor for the self. One comes to understand themselves through art, and art improves through understanding of oneself. It also comes through artistic technique, speaking of which, I just used chiasmus in that previous sentence.

Technical understanding of the craft is absolutely important, and I don't mean to diminish its value. That is why I feel conflicted over the issue of art and the self.

When I say art and the self, I am basically talking about autobiographical art.

Of course all art is autobiographical. However, there is a difference between art that is explicitly autobiographical and art that attempts to be universal.

I feel conflicted over the concept of autobiographical art. Part of me wonders why I should care so much about another person's generally average life. In comparison to the livid world of fiction, personal stories are definitely less adventurous and more monotonous. On the other hand, I've read autobiographical art that I've greatly enjoyed, partially because of its relatable banality.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I read Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh. The book is composed of written stories and accompanying cartoons about Brosh's life. Though Brosh's life is remarkably average, she shared her stories in a humorous and touching way, which made them worth reading.

After reading her book, I decided to spoof her technique in a blogpost called My Depression, named after a story in her book with the very same title.

Some say art is therapy, and that post was most certainly therapeutic. After I completed it, not only did I I have a better comprehension of my own depression, but also I had a closer understanding of myself.

This week I did two other posts that were directly related to myself. One was a time capsule letter and the other was a series of diagrams depicting my physical characteristics at different points in my life.

I think it was especially helpful for me to make these autobiographical pieces, because of the nature of my personality. I feel as if I have many personalities living within me at once, and this causes internal conflict. Sometimes I'm caring, other times I'm cynical. Sometimes I'm assertive, other times I'm shamefully passive. Sometimes I'm mature, other times I'm childish. What is Ellen? What is Ellen-esque art?

And that is how this relates back to my process. I believe that a better knowledge of the self leads to a more coherent style of art. Pushing off from that, I think a coherent style makes it easier to formulate more pieces in the future. If you already have a sense of what you want to create, all you have to do is physically get it done.

I've been creating art for years now, and I still can't put a finger down on what my style is, just like I can't dedicate myself to a single personality. I think there is a disparity between who I want to be and who I actually am. I want to be tough enough to assert my opinions with snarky wit, but gentle enough to avoid stubborness and show genuine care for others. That might not even be possible to have in one human being, but that's what I want.

The reality is, I'm a pretty sensitive person. Though I love to be outgoing and loud, certain types of teasing can instantly undermine me, such as jokes about my physical appearance (which I have limited control over) or overall personality (as opposed to specific stupid things that I do, which is usually valid material). When people catch me offguard, I freeze, and then I feel embarrassed. Later, I think of what I could have said to defend myself, and I'm ashamed of letting myself be demoralized. In addition, I have issues with debilitating guilt. Guilt is the negative emotion that controls my life the most, more than anger or depression. It can impede my ability to live in the moment. Guilt and sensitivity are probably my most negative characteristics, at least that I am aware of. I've been told that I occasionally say things that are insensitive to others. What can I do? I'm only human.

Despite the fact that I'm trying to be a dozen people at once, there are certainly unifying themes in my art that I am beginning to identify. That's why I was able to write a successful artist's bio, which many of you read.

I'm in the process of developing my personal taste, which is quite helpful in defining my own style. Though I generally like a lot of what I see, I am starting to like certain things more than others, and those things are entering into my work. The more I develop my taste, the more empowered I feel, and the greater self-esteem that I have.

When I feel a weaker self-esteem than usual, I've discovered that I criticize my art the same way I criticize myself. "It's weird. It's creepy. It's annoying. No one will like it." Replace "it" with "me" and you get a good sense of my negative self-talk. On the other hand, doing art can help me with my self-esteem, especially when it ends up good.

I also find that general living is a great way to find out who I am. The more I live, the better I get at living. It's all a matter of practice.

So, as part of my artistic development, I am going to make a serious effort to develop my personal style by defining my preferences and strengthening my self esteem.

The Book #3

So early on, and I'm already feeling a lot of anxiety.

This is my to-do list

• Study for APs
• Work on The Book
• Create 4 Year STAC Retrospective video
• Read 650 pages of Foucoult's Pendulum

Most of these things on the list are pretty straight. I already have an idea of what I want for the STAC video, studying is studying, and reading is reading.

The Book is much more complicated.

The Book has its own to-do list.

• Designate pieces worthy of The Book
• Edit pieces
• Illustrations (?)
• Compile them into a formatted word document
• Order books

Editing the pieces has its own to-do list, which I have created on Trello. This is the current system I am using, but it could easily change.

I am trying to set deadlines for myself. This is what I have so far, in order from latest to earliest.

• June 11th: STAC Night
• June 4th: Order books (The shipping takes 2-5 days, but I want to be extra cautious)

I should probably set deadlines for when I want the pieces to be due. I should probably set deadlines for art. According to the June 4th deadline, I have 29 more days to complete this entire project.

My biggest fear is that I will become disorganized and I will fail to complete my work in time to print it and hand it out during STAC live. I feel like I don't have a safety net. I'm on my own, and it's damn scary.

I really do think I can pull it off. Realistically, I may not be able to illustrate every piece, but I can gather the book together. Maybe I can have an artist help me do some drawings, but if that's what I want, I need to figure it out soon so he or she would have enough time.

Still, I want to have something or someone to fall back on if I struggle. Someone who won't let me screw the whole thing up.

The Book #2

I am naming this The Book because I do not currently have a name for this book.

Much like I did with the Enneagram, I think I shall make brief recordings on this blog of my daily obstacles. Right now, I am experiencing the phenomenon of random, discombobulated thoughts spiriling through my head. Things need to be concrete. I will divide this by issue.

Purpose
When I first told Luke about my wish to do this project, he told me, "You can't simply compile your blogposts together for some time and make it into a book. It needs to have meaning." My first thought was "Why?" My second thought was "If you say so, I suppose I'll find something to justify it." I had some hints at a theme, but I did not take his advice too seriously, and I hoped that a meaning would form purely on its own without any effort.

Yesterday though, I finally understood what he meant. I was talking to my friend Tony about my ideas for this book. For those who don't know, when I talk about "The Venezuelans," I'm referring to Tony approximately 80% of the time. He is an aspiring writer, a creative thinker, and an obsessive texter, so we have intense talks about art on a regular basis.

Anyway, I was telling Tony about Luke's advice to me, and he didn't quite understand what I meant. Honestly, I didn't understand much myself. Seeking an example of art without meaning, I looked at my desk and noticed a book called Animals Talking in All Caps.

Finally, I comprehended what Luke meant. While Animals Talking in All Caps seems like an amusing book, it does not appear to have much substance. I do not think I will improve my character as a human being by reading Animals Talking in All Caps.

This leaves a number of questions. First of all, does a book need to have meaning? Clearly meaningless books can be successful, or else Animals Talking in All Caps wouldn't be sitting on my desk. Perhaps the book has somewhat more meaning than I give it credit for, but I'm certain it's mostly stupid.

I don't think I want to have a stupid book though. I want a book that provides the reader with more than just a hollow laugh. This leads to the second question, how can I give my book meaning? I haven't figured that one out yet.

I don't think my book needs to be a newly profound insight into the human condition, but it ought to be more than just silly photo captions.

I've been reading the book Hyperbole and a Half, based off the blog of the same name. I'm wondering if I should use it as inspiration. One thing that I love about the book is how Allie Brosh is so honest about her feelings, even if they are irrational. It makes you think, "I'm not the only one who experiences these ridiculous feelings. That gives me a lot of comfort."

Still, though Brosh writes quite well, I want my book to appear a little bit more sophisticated than a story illustrated with doodles from MS Paint. I do not mean that as an insult. Brosh's drawings are actually craftily made, and her stories about her depression are insightful and touching.

Allie I <3 you

Editing
Today, I went about editing a few of my pieces. I plan to edit many of my pieces during class so I can gather ideas from other people and steal the best ones. When I tried this technique, it was reasonably helpful, and I got some good material, but it wasn't the cure-all I thought it would be.

When I have to write essays in English class, my teachers have taken the courtesy of giving me a prompt, editing my drafts, and teaching me what I did wrong in order to improve.

I didn't realize how much of a luxury this was until now.

Editing these pieces by myself is surprisingly difficult. It feels like I'm navigating a forest without a map. Though I know what I need to improve in certain sections of my work, I cannot judge the efficacy of my pieces as a whole.

Let me give an example. Today, I was working on my piece Admitted Students Event at Great Lake University. There is one section where I wrote,

To start off the presentation, we would like to begin by showing you a rendition of Milkshake by Kelis, played entirely on balalaikas.

To me, it is clear what needs to be fixed. The idea of a pop song being performed entirely on balalaikas is pretty funny. However, the song Milkshake by Kelis is not the best choice. Though Milkshake is a funny song to imagine on Balalaikas (because it has no coherent melody line), a college orientation probably wouldn't play a musical rendition of the piece. I asked people for ideas, and I found a few, such as "Selections from Nickelback" and "Selections from the musical Curtains." These may not be the final idea but they demonstrate progress.

However, evaluating the piece as a whole is more difficult. There may be sections of this piece that should simply be cut out and replaced. I can't gauge that as easily.

I wish someone could go through every single piece with me, telling me what to keep and what to cut. Unfortunately, I don't think most people want to spend their time with me this way. Maybe it would work better if I show certain things to certain people. I need to figure out how to go about getting a basic editing consultation.

The Book #1

I have decided that I want to write a book. I will write it, print it, and it will be on the tables at STAC Night. Quote me on this now. If I'm about to give up, don't let me.

My plan is to take the best pieces from my blog, revise them, put them together in a coherent and meaningful manner, and get them printed.

Today I did two things.

First, I researched how to go about printing a book. The most popular website for such a service seemed to be lulu.com. I made an account and looked at how to go about printing. Lulu had a template for how to lay out each page as a word document. Once you fill in the word document properly, the website will turn it into a PDF that can be used for printing and eBooks. I figure this will be more useful to know when I'm closer to the end, but I decided to play around with fonts and layout today so I can get an idea of the appearance.

Second, I went through my pieces marking certain ones as Yes, Maybe, and No. Yes means that the piece is quite good, but could still use some revision. Maybe could be worked with but it might not be worth the bother. No means there is no salvation.

I went through them with my parents and I picked about 20 yes's, and probably about 20 maybe's and 20 no's. When I went through them with Jess and Lex though, I felt deformed baby syndrome with some of my works. I realize my pieces will to need a lot more work, or I will have to become more shamelessly confident.

The next tasks seem daunting, but I think I will lay them out on a Trello and take it piece by piece.