The Sky

 I know my posts are usually about me talking about complex concepts. But not today. I just want to talk about the sky.

After being stuck in the car for 5 hours driving home from Utica, I started to take notice in it. The sky is such an incredible thing. It's so vast, so complex, so beautiful.

The thing I love most about the sky is wherever you go, it's always there, showing its magnificence. Even when it's just a regular day, you look up and the clouds are so majestic, forming themselves into different shapes, changing colors as the day goes on into night, where the gleaming moon greets itself warmly.

Being the dork that I am, I've started taking many pictures of the sky, on different days, in different places. I know it's probably nothing special, and I took them all on my iphone, but here's a few.

Somewhere around Albany

(this one's my favorite)

On a regular Saturday drive

I've always thought that photography was the coolest thing, but I never wanted to be one of those dumb girls who's like "I have an $800 camera am I a photographer now?" But hey, if I want to do it, it doesn't matter. Possible new hobby?

Arrogant Teens

Yesterday, my new English teacher finally came into school after being taught by a substitute English teacher for the past 3 months. Everyone's been really excited for it because they didn't particularly like the teacher we had before. He seemed nice, but he was kind of a strange guy, and he didn't really know what he was doing. When the teacher came and gave the first class, everyone was excited for a new face, and I was personally excited to finally have a teacher who could teach English well (hopefully).

Of course after the class, everyone gathered and spoke their words on the new teacher. I really liked her, and I was hopeful for the class. For some reason though, the rest of the class had a different opinion. They all said the same thing.

"Oh god, we're actually going to have to work."

Perhaps I'm overreacting, but when I hear comments like that, it upsets me. I can't stand the attitude that teenagers have towards teachers and education sometimes. Sure, I understand that homework is not always the most pleasant, but without it we would all just be illiterate fools.

In Herricks, we have such a rare opportunity. We have a school with generally good quality teachers, we live in an environment that generally encourages learning, and we don't have to pay extra because it's a public school. So many people do not have the advantage that we have. People in Africa or in 3rd world countries don't have the chance for good education, but not even that. A lot of people in the US lack good education, especially in the public school sector.

I understand, when you're young, it's generally hard to appreciate the gifts that have been given to you because you don't have a full scope on the world yet. Even I fall into the trap of seeing things narrowly, judging, and acting like I'm superior. Everyone does.

However, if you're expecting to get into Harvard or another high level school and you say that you don't like your English class because you "actually have to work"? School isn't just about numbers and grades. We're learning such incredible things, and everyone takes it for granted. If you're going to be lazy in High School, you'll probably be just as lazy in a high level college. After college passes you by, you'll have a degree but nothing to back it up. Perhaps you will later regret the amazing opportunity you had to talk to world class professors who are experts in their field and ask intelligent questions. More likely, you wouldn't even know what you were missing.

The Overwhelming Modern World

Thoughts go through my head like speeding bullets without a target.

In a world where information is nearly infinite and accessible by everyone, it's hard to comprehend how the world works, or how the world should work. So many things are available that have never been available before. I think about all the books I have yet to read, all the movies yet to see, music yet to hear, skills left to learn. We have so many choices and because of this, it's hard to choose anything.

Access to technology and information has changed the world so quickly in such a limited amount of time, especially in the world of art. Visual arts were once used to capture images, making portraits of famous individuals and recreating landscapes. Then, photography was invented, which captured these images much more easily and effectively than an artist ever could. Bewildered, they could only create a new world that could not be captured by cameras, leaving to the confusion of modern art.

With the development of better quality cameras at cheaper prices, anyone was able to take up photography. Because everyone can do it, very few could be recognized for doing it, and because of that photography declined.

Music has also fell victim to modern technology, to a certain extent. It used to be that you had to go to a recording studio and pay to be able to make recordings. You had to practice an instrument and develop a high level of skill to even be recognized. Nowadays, a person can record on Garage Band, access many instruments through synthesizers and other electronic music, and layer on multiple records. One person can make an entirely full song from the comfort of his basement. In addition, the creation of games that allow people to make music has made it more available.

In this modern world, everyone has become more equal. But if everyone is equal, then why should anyone be recognized for anything? Anyone can be an artist, making the field more competitive for much less of a reward.

Since my interests lie mainly in music, I want to focus on that for a little while. Although everyone listens to music, it is not nearly as important as it used to be. Radio is steadily dying in favor of programs like Pandora and Last.fm that give people music they want, and Spotify which provides access to hundreds of thousands of albums for free. That plus illegal downloads, nobody really buys music anymore. Now, the destruction of the record industry wasn't a total loss. Musicians used to make very little money off of their songs as it was stolen away by recording deals and high taxes. I'm sure you all know the story with the Beatles.

Main sources of profit must come from performances then, since you can't really sneak your way out of paying for those. Unfortunately, Ticketmaster ruins that to a certain extent. Ticketmaster basically has a monopoly over all ticket sales for major artists. They've made deals with all the big venues so that they can sell tickets only through Ticketmaster, giving them the power to price the tickets however they like. More obscure artists can run away from this, by selling tickets through other services (brownpapertickets.com) but due to their obscurity they're probably not making much money anyway.

Nowadays, I see some pop musicians who try to follow the former glory of rock stardom in the past, but it seems expired and fake. We're living in a new kind of world, where spunky personalities and rock n roll don't do much. One man with a computer making dubstep can raise a crowd much higher than a rockband can, for a cheaper price.

If you look at history, you could see the same sort of thing. Louis XIV created the castles at Versailles, some of the most beautiful castles in the world. Egyptians created the great pyramids, impressive architectural feats that to this day are unable to be created. How were these incredible things created? Well, Louis XIV pretty much made France go broke and the Pharaoh in Egypt used slave labor. The world is probably better off without those things, but you cannot deny the spectacular things accomplished in an imbalanced world.

As the world becomes equal for all, it becomes privileged for none. Is this good? Is this bad? It's hard to tell.

 

Death

It's been a horrible tragedy with Mr. Lagnese. I wish I could say more about him, feel more empathy about the situation, but it's hard for me to sympathize with because he was never my teacher and I never knew him particularly well.

To be honest, I've never had a very deep experience with death. The first time I ever experienced death of a friend was right before school started. A girl I knew at camp died of a brain aneurysm at the age of 13. She was one of the friendliest girls I have ever known, and one of the people who helped me get settled at camp when I felt out of place my first year. When I found out the news, I was completely shocked. It didn't seem like reality. It only hit me a few days later, after the idea grew that she would never come back for anyone. Her story was done. Finished. She would never open her eyes again.

I think that the most horrifying thing in the entire world is death.

Growing up in an Athiest household, I've never had any comfort with death. I don't believe in heaven, or reincarnation, or purgatory. What I believe, although I ignore I believe it because it is hard for me to cope with, is that when a person dies, nothing happens. Their eyes close. They simply cease to exist.

When I was younger, I used to get panic attacks from my fear of death. I couldn't comprehend how the world could just stop. One day it all just ends, just like that. I had trouble enjoying anything in life. I'd go to a play, but I wouldn't be able to focus on it because I knew everyone was going to die anyway. Nothing means anything. It all ends.

Even know as I write this, I'm not delving into my deep thoughts about death. When I do so, it gives me such an extreme feeling of pain that I am unable to contain and control. How could it be that it all stops? How could it be? I understand that death is vital to life. Out with the old and in with the new. Somehow though, it seems like I am immune to that, or so I'd like to think. It seems so far away it couldn't possibly happen.

One positive way I view death is as a deadline. Once your dead, you can't do anything anymore. Because of that, you must live a life you want to live before it's too late. I know it sounds corny, but that's the only good thing I can get out of it. Steve Jobs said in his speech that everyday he would look in the mirror and think, "If I died today, would I be ok with the life I've lived?" Death has a way of putting everything into perspective. Death makes all problems cease to exist, because makes everything cease to exist.

Honestly, when the future comes, I have no clue how I'm going to deal with the death of family members and friends. Because no one close to me has died, I've been able to run from away from reality. One day though, my grandparents will die. My parents will die. My friends will die. And I will die. And all of this will have meant nothing at all.

Groups/Leadership

There's always something inherently difficult when working in a group.

There are some things in life that seem to work like magic. People getting along, sharing opinions. At the same time, there are things that do not work at all, due to some other unexplained reason.

What makes a group work effectively together? What makes a good leader? Why do some people fight while others don't? How can a group make the right decisions?

If you are to look at how groups operate, I think it's important to look at leadership first. To answer some of these questions, I look back on situations where leadership was effective and ineffective.

One thing my mind goes back to is during this summer when I was in a play. It was a play adaptation of the movie His Girl Friday. We had 2 and a half weeks to put up the show (but since this was camp that meant we could rehearse from 9-6 with lunch break). The rehearsal process was going quite well, and I blocked off one of my scenes. Unfortunately though, the director had to take leave because his mother had died.

In his place, the assistant director/stage manager had to run the show. As you can probably assume, this ended up as a disaster. In addition to the fact the assistant director didn't know much about acting, we were unable to get lines learned or scenes blocked. We were set to be off book after a week, but even after that we didn't know our lines. Cast members were feeding off lines to other cast members who would forget in hopes that it would help. People would get angry at each other for being unprepared. The assistant director sat back and watched, not knowing how to react.

After a few days they decided to pull in the director who put on the 8 day show (yes, it's possible) to help out. The thing was, she didn't seem to know how to organize everyone either. She helped people speak loudly, but beyond that she couldn't give much guidance, and her form of directing seemed patronizing, making most of the cast dislike her.

Since the directors were not effectively helping to put the show together, it put the responsibility onto us to make the show good. I don't think any high school student is able to put a good quality show together though. Things weren't working, and we didn't know what would make things work again.

The show was pulled together to a certain extent. I suppose it was alright for the situation we were in, but even compared to the other camp shows it was mediocre.

Now, let's look at Metamorphoses. The show ended up quite spectacularly if I do say. No one forgot their lines, and if they did they covered it up flawlessly. Everyone knew exactly how to act out their roles and there wasn't confusion because every kink was worked out.

Luke kept everyone on a tight rope. We were given limited amounts of time to prepare, and unlike during the last show I was in, we knew there would be trouble if we forgot. Instead of taking the responsibility of giving lines to cast members who forgot, we'd call for line, or just make it up. That way, the scene wouldn't be practiced so that a person would forget their same line and have it given by the same person.

Because there was less discussion and more practice, we were able to pull a show together. Cast members never got personal, giving advice in regards to acting. That was the director's job strictly. Although some could say a director like that has to much power and may make the wrong decisions, they do a key thing. They make decisions. And even if they're wrong, it's better than being insecure.

Now, you could say in this case the problem with leadership has to do with the individual person. But let me give you a hypothetical situation. What if students had to put together a play completely on their own? How would it be done? Is it even possible?

The power dance I helped choreograph with the dancers was a somewhat similar situation. Our only instruction was to make a power dance. From that, we make our project with virtually no guidance. Somehow though, it worked.

In our group of 5 people, we disagreed, but we never all out argued. Everyone was comfortable sharing their opinions, even if they ended up being bad. Unlike the other groups, we never really fought. Even though some of us had more dance experience than others (me having none, everyone else having a lot) no one was patronized. Every opinion was valued even if it didn't have complete evidence defending it.

Now, even though no one took a strong leadership role, I think I ended up leading the group. Since I wasn't dancing, I was able to watch and give my opinions. Whenever a problem came up, we looked at the possible solutions, and after discussing we solidly chose one and did not change our plan.

One problem I often have when I'm in groups is when I have a strong opinion and no one agrees. On some matters when I feel like something is bad, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. If the other group members still want to keep the idea and I am unable to convince them, I stay quiet, but I still can't get that feeling out of my stomach. Somehow for this project though, I had no such feelings.

To me it seems that a large reason why groups don't work is because people are afraid of being firm and decisive. People do not want to make things unpleasant for other group members by speaking sternly, or they are insecure about the knowledge they have and they do not think they can make the right decision.

It's unpleasant to work in an environment where those who don't work hard enough are punish and even those who work hard are punished when their decisions are wrong. However, this is the only way we as humans can operate effectively.

A group needs a good leader who can make strong choices but also be willing to listen to the opinions of others and sacrifice his own opinions for the good of the whole. A good group member is someone who does not disrupt the process by only contributing when it will benefit the group as a whole. At the same time though, he cannot be afraid to share if he things that something is wrong. It is the responsibility of the whole group to keep decisions unless there is a good reason to change them, even if not everyone agrees.

Analyzing

After going over the film Hanna in depth with STAC, I started questioning what the point of it all was.

Why do we look so deep into these films? Why do we look so deep into art?

We went over how the whole thing was a fairy tale and all the characters were based of legend, but why? What does this accomplish? It's like an Easter egg. Hidden there, but only for the purpose of people who analyze art to find. Beyond that though, what does this knowledge accomplish?

True, there is value in deeply looking at how art is put together. It teaches us the steps to create our own art. However, what are things like that supposed to accomplish? Is that telling us we should just take a fairy tale and sub in our own characters to make a story? Does art have to be connected to a larger topic to be important? Although this seems like an easy trick, it seems limiting.

Also, if art is meant to be for a mainstream audience, why make it in a way that most people wouldn't understand? Some art is very complicated, and most people can't follow it through. If the only people who understand the message are people who already intelligent enough to receive the message and experienced enough to know it, then what has been accomplished?

If art is only created for artists then that's excluding so many people. It's like living in a bubble, ignorant of all other beings. And that's cutting yourself off from so much.

The best kind of art is the kind that invites people to think deeper, without putting them off completely. They know what is meant by the end of the movie, and it's not just popped in that "Oh, and by the way, you just watched a fairytale."

What is my Koan?

Yesterday in acting class, we learned about Koans. A Koan, at least in this sense, is a question that we spend our entire lives trying to answer. This question is what guides the way we act and the way that we perceive the world. If you find your Koan, you can gain a full knowledge of yourself that will make you a more complete human being.

The question is, what is my Koan?

A Koan shows itself in situations where you really don't know how to act. Situations where you're confused, uncomfortable, nervous, or just deadlocked. I know exactly how I act in these situations. Whenever I don't really know what to do, my silly Ellen side comes out. I'm loud, I act kind of dumb and I say silly things that make me and others laugh. I entertain people, and their amusement keeps them off my back. I guess you could say that's my mask in a way.

In fact, sometimes I get stuck talking like everything is a joke. I constantly make fun of myself and my problems, so that way I can be honest but not have to deal with the emotional weight of being honest. I feel as if I give the impression that I don't really have much of a brain, but in reality I'm quite an insightful person.

Also, I act silly because I don't know the proper thing to say at times. I think it's a good idea to say something, so I say it. Afterwards, I realize it may not have been the wisest thing to share. To avoid further awkwardness, I laugh it off and pretend it was a joke.

Back when I was in elementary school, I used to be a shy awkward kid without many friends. But what artsy kid wasn't an awkward kid without many friends?

One day though, I changed. It was the first day of 6th grade. I knew some of the people in my class, but I didn't recognize more than half of the people in the room. I took my seat, curious as to what the future held in store for me. That was when I was first introduced to the humorists. Over on the other side of the room were a bunch of kids who would constantly make jokes, speaking up at the teacher in clever remarks that made everyone laugh. As I laughed along, I grew a strong admiration towards those people. I knew, that's who I wanted to be. I wanted to be that kid that made everyone laugh. And that's who I became.

How does this amount to a question though? I have the puzzle pieces but I can't figure out the whole picture. I came up with a few ideas, but they don't seem to be right. Perhaps it's simple.

Why won't people pay attention to me?

But I'm not the attention hogging kind of person. If people I didn't know were staring at me, I'd be kind of creeped out. That can't be it. Maybe,

Why don't people think I'm important?

That just sprouts from the previous question though. Maybe I'm not on the right track.

No rush though. I still have a lot of time to figure this question out. I'm proud of myself for what I know so far, but my quest is not done yet. I'm just wondering, where can I find some hints? How can I get closer to my Koan?

Focus

To be totally honest, I was slightly dreading the art review today. I remembered the last time we went through the art pieces with Charlie Chaplin. People were making interesting points, but I was still pretty bored and I dozed off the entire time. Of course I didn't want to. My brain sometimes takes my control away and starts running towards the clouds.

This time was different though. I was fully intrigued by the conversation we were having on all the Dada pieces. After having a full year of STAC under my belt, I had some intelligent things to say beyond "That piece looks really cool!" What once seemed unbearably dull suddenly became quite interesting.

I think it's interesting how your brain can change the amount of interest it puts in. No one wants to be lazy, but there are just some subjects where no matter how hard you try to focus, it still makes no sense. Is interest a conscious or unconscious decision? Or both?

In the beginning of last year, I trained myself to listen to music. It used to be if I attempted to listen to any song beyond a basic pop song, my mind would just drift in the first 30 seconds and I wouldn't remember a single thing I heard. For some reason, I just couldn't pay attention. My brain wouldn't operate.

In order to be able to listen to this music without boring myself, I kept it on while doing other things. While doing homework, brushing teeth, lying around, I kept the music on in the background CONSTANTLY. Eventually, I adapted to it. When I attempted to listen to the music on its own, I found that my focus lasted longer and longer. It went from 30 seconds to 2 minutes to the whole song just about. The music became so much more enjoyable.

Maybe focus takes practice. That would explain many things. Why don't many people read books? Books require focus, which you need to work at before it becomes fluent. Why is music so simple nowadays? People haven't trained themselves to focus into listening to something that won't immediately make sense in their mind. Why do most people quickly browse through art museums? They haven't trained themselves to look at one piece for a long time.

The thing is, if you were to follow the logic that focus takes practice, how come some people at our age still can't focus in class? Perhaps it's a combination of effort and desire to learn.

Maybe that's one of the flaws of common education. People don't feel like fighting the discouraging powers of their inability to focus. They don't see a purpose. Maybe if there was something to convince people to fight their natural habit of not paying attention, people would improve.

There's still another thing to consider though. Even though some people have put the effort to improve their focusing skills, most of the general population has not. How can you create focused art for those who are unable to focus? How can you have complex art if there aren't people able to appreciate it? Sure you could make your complex art anyway, but if most people can't handle it then you've gone for broke. Conforming to simple ideals to please an audience is bad as well. Is there a balance?

Imagination

Today's workshop was less of an intense emotional experience and more of a run around like rambling idiots experience. My specialty. More importantly though, we focused on expanding our imaginations.

After the acting workshop last week, I had an epiphany. The way that I could become a better actor was by taking advantage of my vivid imagination. After all, I can imagine things like robots ripping each other to shreds on the streets outside my house or bugs crawling up my arms. Why the can't I imagine a normal scenario?

Today, we had to do an exercise in which we held our phone in one hand and held a cool glass of water in the other. I could see these objects in my hands. The drink was already making me thirsty. Then, we had to imagine the glass of water being filled to the brim. I was already getting nervous, because I knew with my luck  I was definitely gonna tip it over. I watched intently. Luke seemed to notice, pointing out how intent I looked. Then, he decided to throw an imaginary ball at me and I freaked out. I attempted to bounce it off my chest because I had no hands to catch it with. Also, I didn't want to spill that drink.

That's when I realized, haha, that ball wasn't actually real. But man, it sure FELT real. And I was still holding that cup and cellphone in my hand. I guess I knew that none of those things existed. I made them real though, so they did exist. They existed as much as I wanted them too.

I guess the moral is to take use of your imagination. It baffles me just how powerful imagination is. For good or for bad. Mostly good though. Hopefully.

Acting = Pain

They say that anyone can act regardless of experience. That's bull.

Acting is hard because it's one of those things that's supposed to come naturally but you really don't know how to get to it naturally. It's sort of like attempting to split when you're not flexible. You know your legs are supposed to go down all the way, but it just doesn't work. After the acting class today I think I'm starting to get the idea though. Acting is supposed to feel real even when the situations you're playing out are not real at all. Most of it is based imagination and expectations.

"What are you thinking right now? What were you just imagining in your head?" When Luke asked these questions, I shut down. It's hard to describe your daydreams. It's like night dreaming.  You usually forget after you wake up. Also, a lot like night dreams, you really don't want to tell people what was going through your head.

A funny thing I've noticed is whenever people ask me what I'm thinking about, my mind automatically triggers to the things I DON'T want to tell them. Then those thoughts take over what I was actually thinking about, and to avoid revealing something negative, I freeze.

I thought that was was hard. After the questions, there was the stealing of the hat. Oh boy. That was much worse. I tried to approach the task with Bold Optimism, as we always say. But it was very discouraging.

So we had to go and act out stealing a hat. Considering the fact I had not much in the way of acting experience or stealing experience, I sucked. Really badly. It was hard for me to imagine myself in a situation in which I was stealing something. I imagined myself at music camp sneaking into my bunk at 12 AM at night to pick up a hat before the late night party, something that wouldn't be totally crazy (since everyone usually stayed up until 3). It didn't seem real though. Nothing I could think up seemed concrete, and I was lost in an open space.

Luke kept saying "Make it real Ellen!" I tried, I really did. I knew what I was doing was bad, but I didn't have a clue how to make it better. I tried again and again, but I was only met with more failure. I admit, I was getting frustrated. Luke wasn't making any sense to me and no matter what I tried, it turned out to be crap. Plus everyone was laughing their head off at me. I knew this was supposed to help me improve, so I braved through it. That doesn't mean I enjoyed it though. It was awful.

Then Luke screamed "HURRY UP ELLEN WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!" My feelings went from frustrated to guilty, and more importantly, scared. I knew I had to get the goddamn thing over with. So I ran over, grabbed the hat and ran.

And THEN I got it. I was nervous about getting in trouble, so I ran over and got the hat. Clever clever.

Now I understand how acting is supposed to feel like. It's supposed to feel JUST as real as the actual thing. The thing I need to learn now is how to access that on my own without a teacher screaming at me. That's the skill.

This experience hasn't scared me off from acting though. In fact, it's opened a door in a way. I was putting myself into unpleasant situations, and even though it was painful, there was something oddly exciting about it. Maybe it's the thrill of the challenge, the way you want to prove that you can conquer the pain and use your body to its full ability. Whatever it is, I like it, and I'm ready for blood sweat and tears. Bring it.

Hormones?

Generally, I believe that there are 2 things that affect a person's emotions at a basic level. The way a person reacts to themselves and their thoughts as well as the way a person reacts to the events that take place in their environment. That would make sense, I mean how else could something influence your emotions?

I've been thinking though. Thinking about thinking. Since human beings have the power of intelligence, we have a tendency to over think everything. We believe that we are creatures greater than anything created in the universe. At the same time though, we still do everything all the "lower" forms of life do. We still eat, digest, take a crap, and reproduce. What's so profound about that?

One thing that I have a habit of doing is analyzing why I feel a certain way. Why am I happy right now? Why am I sad right now? Why do I feel like punching that kid in the face even though he didn't say anything offensive to me? What happens a lot of times is that this leads no where. Why? I mean, if you follow the rule that emotions are either affected by a person's thoughts or environmental influence, there should be a reason. But often there isn't.

Then I realize. There's a third thing that affects a person's emotions. What happens in their body that they're not even aware of. Teenagers are known for often having mood swings because of their raging hormones. Girls get PMS. It's beyond our control.

Even though our minds are so strong, we are still at the will of our basic animal habits. Instead of our mind guiding our bodies, our bodies guide our mind, and they don't have the common sense that the mind does.

People can say they're sad and they feel as if they have to drag themselves through everyday. Are they sad, or are their bodies just becoming weak from deprivation of sleep? A girl says that she's ugly because she can't seem to attract guys. Does she have low self esteem, or is this just the brain's reaction to insatiable hormones?

Sometimes I think the emotions we feel are false.

Thinking about this makes me unsettled. If we can't control our minds, our minds are worth nothing. Without minds, we are nothing. Are we all just creatures of nothing? I suppose the only thing that makes us different from animals is that we have minds to torture us.

Thinking

For those of you who know me well, you know that I'm completely crazy and my thoughts fly from place to place like wildfire. For those of you who don't know me, this is something that you will soon probably learn.

I think most people put a barrier on how fast their mind thinks. They take thoughts in slowly, in bite sized pieces that can be easily managed. It makes the incredible powers of the human mind seem less intense. For those who decide to use full power of their mind though, they can gain so many more benefits. I know so many people who get bored easily, who constantly need entertainment through the means of technology or other stimulating activities. I think the wisest people are those that sit down and entertain themselves through mental stimulation alone. Just having a conversation with themselves in their head about their surroundings. It makes a person at internal peace.

Something I believe is that as children, we didn't have this barrier on our thoughts. As kids, we would always play imaginative games, something that very few people play nowadays. It was the norm to play with dolls and create complex stories for them, or to play House and take the roles on ourselves. We were constantly creating our world.

Somewhere along the line though, probably around middle school, possibly earlier, we learn from society that this free form of thinking is bad. We suppress our intelligent thoughts and fill them with stupid. Our minds melt as we go through life observing the work of others like TV, or wasting time on games developed for easy enjoyment, or talking to other unintelligent people about pretty much nothing. It's a shame, but I believe that with effort this bad habit can be gotten rid of.

So little times in our life are we asked to just sit and think. When we got an assignment in which we were supposed to chart our though processes, I was interested to see what people would come up with and what I would create.

I assumed to find some common topics, but after doing the project I didn't think that everything was so interconnected. All of the things I listed linked to 4 different topics: Freedom, Purpose, Happiness, and Power. Some things I listed even linked to 2 of these topics at the same time. It was so interesting to see how unrelated things are completely connected. One problem I had actually was finding space to bring lines back to my basic point.

My favorite path that I created started from listing Friends. The path went friends -> new experiences -> insight -> knowledge -> power. Insight, that's such a fantastic word. After making that path, I found that almost anything I liked could be linked to new experiences, insight, knowledge, and power. It all started making sense.

Then the project became more serious, and more scary. I became honest with myself and listed things that I secretly loved. Sprouting from my name, I put Sadness. Why did I like sadness so much? Well, sadness -> darkness -> evil -> power. That gave me chills. The only way I could react was sitting in awe. I've often had those kind of thoughts suppressed. When my mind was given permission to run free though, it ran wild. I had to admit to myself that the reason why I can be depressive is because of a craving for the power of evil and darkness.

Enough about myself though. Seeing other people's projects, I could tell even before reading the words they listed what they were like. Some people's charts consisted of only of horizontal and vertical lines, while others had diagonals. Some were written small and others large. Some had large spaces while others where compressed. It's so funny how much people give away without knowing it.

I don't know if any of you have ever heard of a Freudian Slip. It's basically when someone slips up a sentence they're saying by saying something accidentally that they've had in the back of their mind. For example, a person asks, "Would you like some bread and butter or cake?" to which the other person responds, "Bed and butter, oops!" You can see whats really on their mind. We don't just do this in speech though. We do this all the time in simple ways that only very careful people can observe, like body language, among other things.

But all of those things are written out on the wall now.

First Day Inspirations

The first day of school. Gosh, during the summer it seemed like school was just a bad nightmare that all children experienced. Now we're back. With a new school year comes a new set of high hopes, since there hasn't been quite enough time to crush them yet. I'm optimistic though, for STAC, for school, and for my future as a sophomore.

The most important part of the day for me was when Luke gave a speech on his life. Specifically, I was inspired by how in a matter of 8 months, Luke was able to teach himself how to be a director. The power of independence and perspiration can really help you accomplish great feats. One important thing that I learned from STAC last year is that talent is luck, and luck runs out. The only way to accomplish anything is hard, repetitive, sometimes painful and miserable work. That's just the way it is, and honestly that's the only way it could be. Otherwise, all bums could be artists.

One problem that I've been having recently is that I have been asked to compose songs on several occasions (for example, my brother's video games). This all seemed good in concept. After all, I'm a musician, I play many instruments including the piano which is often vital for composition, and I love to fool around with notes and make stuff up. The thing is though, I know almost NOTHING about composing whatsoever. I haven't even the faintest clue on where to start. Forming melodies with harmonies, complex chord changes, this is all a foreign language to me.

That doesn't mean I shouldn't try though. If Luke can learn how to run a theater program for a college in 8 months on his own, I think I have a pretty decent shot at teaching myself how to write music. Somehow, I convinced my mom to stop by Barnes and Noble to pick up the Idiot's Guide to Composition. It sounds silly, but it seems like as good a place to start as any.

Anyway, I hope that you all had an amazing summer. Returners, welcome back! And newbies, welcome to your new home. I'll sure you'll appreciate it.

The Artist's Workplace and Determination

As some of you may know, I live in a house with a lot of hoarding, which has been pretty stressful lately. I want a clean place. Of course, I can never have the entire house clean. That's just not possible with the situation I'm in and the people I live with. Recently though, I realized that if I had a small section for myself and my music then maybe it could be more bearable.

I've tried using my room to write songs but it's quite small and too close to parents. The general music room in my house is right next to the family room, and I needed something more private. It's hard to focus with all the people walking around, the junk, the time I spend going through piles of unorganized music, and the frustration of when people pile stuff on the piano bench where I'm supposed to sit. I really just needed a place of my own, something I could control without other people getting in my way. Virginia Woolf once said "A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." That's pretty much relevant to any kind of artist regardless of gender.

During the songwriting workshop about 2 weeks ago and I asked Phil how he organized all of his instruments. He told me that he kept them all up on the wall. In my basement I have a series of 5 long shelves on the wall, which I realized were perfect. That's when I knew I had to clean out my basement. This seemed almost impossible though. The corner not in use had basically been kept as a large garbage square ever since my parents moved into the house. Junk was piled so high you couldn't even walk into the area.

I couldn't give up because I knew that this was my rite of passage. I could feel it. This was the challenge I had to go through to continue on with my life and prosper. With the help my parents, I began the task. Obsessively I cleaned. One week later, I dealt with all of the holiday decorations and got an entryway into the area. 

It was getting better, but I still wasn't there yet. I was determined that I would have my workplace clean so I could begin. Yesterday I cleaned for 4 hours straight.

This is how it looks as of today. It's not perfect, but now I finally have enough space to begin moving in. I made my claim to the shelves by bringing down a good amount of my instrument collection. Now, the place is mine. I still need to continue cleaning until I'm done, but now I can get started towards my music. For real.

What I'm trying to say here is NEVER give up when difficult obstacles get in your way. Don't be discouraged if something seems too hard to do because if your put in strength and effort, you can go far places. Follow your path. And who knows, you may even find yourself your very own sperm tie.

Workshop: Jim Bonney 5

This is the last Jim Bonney workshop. This makes me really sad.

Today definitely had the greatest improv we've done so far. We started our improvs with our masks (the people who we pretend to be), and then we started cracking out of our masks. "You have to break your mask to get what you want."

I did an improv with Shiana in which I was her mother and she was my only daughter leaving for college on the other side of the globe. My mask was happy and confident. I got upset because I worked so hard to bring her up into what I wanted her to be and now she was leaving me. Jim Bonney turns to me. "You're acting." He knows. I let my guard down, and I give Shiana a hug, wishing her the best of luck for the future, and I watch her walk away.

"You hide really deep, don't you?" he says to me. Jim Bonney, you couldn't be more right.

Civilized or Wild?

This is a question I've had on my mind for a while now. What is a better way to live? A life of manners, etiquette, and sophistication, or a life of craziness, danger, and unsophistication?

I feel like nowadays nobody has manners anymore. Nobody ever remembers to say please or thank you, hold the door, do favors. Men dress with their pants at their ankles, girls wear leggings which basically makes them look like they naked from the waist down and belly shirts to compliment them. People don't know basic skills, like cleaning, washing, living a stable life. We buy things and waste, and we never savor what we have. Instead of speaking face to face, we communicate through computers and cellphones, and in the presence of people, we rudely take out our cellphones and text our friends. While we could easily exercise by taking a walk outside, we go to gyms and close ourselves off from the world.

I think about the conservative way of life, but then I begin to think it all seems like a waste of time. Instead of actually enjoying things, you spend all the time focusing on your image, perfecting yourself. A project that's never finished. And for what? So other people who also perfect their delicate images can admire you? Hours and hours go into this perfection, but are those hours better spent doing other things? In the end, is it better to have a life with all accomplishments being internal having an effect on your family and your life, or with external accomplishments that have an effect on the world, even if you don't live in ideal circumstances?

I'm scared for the future, whichever direction it may take. If I decide to take a good path, perhaps and business or medicine, what do I have in my future? I go to college. I get a job. I get married, have kids. For what? Every day would be the same exact job, to come to the same faces, have the same things to talk about. Some people have hobbies, but even then, all you do is talk about the hobby. What interesting things happen in life?

And if I do take the more adventurous path of an artist, what do I have in my future? I go to college, and I struggle to get a job. I live in a small place, possibly unable to have a family with my salary. I wait everyday for my opportunity to be successful, which may never come. I go through every day simply trying to survive, placed with new challenges. What for?

How do you live?

Workshop: Songwriting 3

The one thing I will leave this workshop with is definitely this one phrase "You ALWAYS need to have a catchy chorus." It's funny, because I never thought of that as very important, when in reality, it's the key to writing a song that makes people remember you, and being successful. We all showed what we were working on. I showed some lyrics that I was working on, but I still hadn't found a tune to them yet. We worked on trying to get a melody line with them, but after a while I realized you can't just write lyrics and expect to find music to go with it. You have to do both at the same so it flows naturally.

Afterwards we started listening to other artists. It was really interesting embracing the music as a group. You could feel a common vibe around the room, whether it was magical, happy, or just plain awkward. Music knows how to press your buttons. It makes the right sounds that trigger emotions like an on and off switch.

After the songwriting workshop I ended up going to songwriting club (that's 3 straight hours of songwriting) and Mr. Semerdjian showed us some of his songs. I asked him how he generally went about the process of writing songs, and he said 70% of the time he ended up starting with a chord progression. In response I asked him how he usually came up with chord progressions, and he told me he just messed around with the guitar until he found something cool. I went straight home and went to work creating something amazing.

At first, I started messing around with chords, what sounded cool. I found myself all over the place as one thing lead to another. Eventually I made it to a chord progression that was almost perfect, but the 6th string seemed like it would be better if it were a note down. Then I thought, why not tune down the string! My mind went haywire with ideas as I worked on this song, moving quickly from one thing to the next. I barely even noticed that 5 hours passed by the time I got a good amount of lyrics down.

I didn't end up liking the lyrics though, and that taught me another important lesson in songwriting. Make sure you know what you're actually writing about or else your words will be complete and utter nonsense. After a free write, I finally figured out that while I originally thought my song was about feeling abandoned by everyone, it was really about being obsessed with anguish. That certainly cleared a lot up.

Hopefully, I'll get it to turn into something good and presentable. I think I'm going somewhere with this.

Workshop: Jim Bonney 4

A few nights ago, I had an amazing dream. The story of the dream wasn't so interesting, as much as the place that I was in. I was a place where houses were laid in a line along a wooden porch, overlooking a river, in front of a mountain. People were swimming through the river, enjoying themselves. I jumped in, and my friends were there. We swam to get around, for cars didn't exist there. I felt the freedom of the sea, the misty air, and me and my friends roughhoused like we were children again.

This is the place I went to when Jim Bonney told us to travel to our home, the place we were most comfortable. It seemed so real because in a way, I really did go there.

We worked with verbs. I was partnered with Julie, and we worked well together because we have so much energy. The topic of the improv wasn't that strong (each of us trying to get money out of each other) but the insults were.  We were animals, and it was fun. It started with us giving each other brilliant compliments to me begging on the floor for her only penny. What I like about acting is that you can go as far as you want and it (usually) fits. Usually when I act like that around my friends, they get scared. In acting, that's the goal.

Workshop: Songwriting 2

So I finally got a chance to meet Phil Jimenez, which was really fantastic. It was the first time I got to someone who knows the music business (beyond East European folk music, but that's another story). He was friendly, and he wasn't afraid to be honest, which I really admired. Bluntly, he told us that if we want to make it in the modern music world, all of our songs need to have a catchy chorus to sing along to. Personally, he's sent out people he didn't believe were mainstream enough. It's a nasty world out there.

We all played our song for him and he said something interesting. "It seems like all of these songs are songs your parents would be okay to hear. I want you guys to get more adventurous." It made me think of something I read in the Empty Space that's stuck with me ever since I read it, something along the lines of "The artist gives the gift of himself and sacrifices himself to the audience." If I want to be an artist, I need to be willing to share deep parts of myself, and give them up to the audience for judgement and ridicule.

I took Jimenez's request as a challenge, and attempted to write a song that would not make my parents happy. It still needs work, but I think I might be going somewhere with it.

Workshop: Jim Bonney 3

Today's workshop we did a lot of the same routine. Breathing and connecting to your inner child, followed by repetition exercises and then improv. I did an improv with Megan in which I got pregnant and I needed her help as a sister.

Doing this improv was pretty unpleasant. First of all I was considering the fact I had a boyfriend, which made me uncomfortable. Then I was considering that I had sex with this boyfriend and got pregnant, which made me even more uncomfortable. I've never been involved romantically with a guy. Ever. So that really scares me. And what's even scarier is how that could be a reality sometime in the near future.

I went along with the improv though, to see where it would lead. In the beginning I didn't really know what to say, but I started to ease into it after a while, and the words came from my mouth without having to think about it. What shocked me the most were the insults that came out of my mouth, specifically when I said "You're just jealous because you don't have a boyfriend." In that moment everything just froze. Usually my mind would filter out those kind of things, but in the Jim Bonney improv environment, you don't use your head. That came from a deep place.

It made me think, sometimes its okay to use your brain. If we were to all follow our animal instincts, we would probably all end up killing each other.

Workshop: Jim Bonney 2

This workshop worked out quite differently than I expected from the last workshop. I was expecting to go through the emotional cycle of sad, happy, angry, and scared. This wasn't the case for some reason. I felt one emotion, and that was happiness. It makes sense I suppose, considering all of the empowering exercises we did, screaming "I want it! It's all mine!" as well as screaming NO! to all of the responsibilities that he yelled back at us "Clean your room! Do your homework! Don't talk to me in that tone of voice!" Then we all held hands and ran in a circle, like we were children again. It was one of the only times I've felt really happy in a long time. Afterwards we all slid down the hallways in our socks. It didn't make the other adults very happy, but it didn't matter.

We then tried to act out part of a song as a monologue. He told us to imagine all of our friends and family on a boat while we're alone on the dock. The boat drives away. We had to say a monologue with this emotion. Many people were crying. For some reason though, I wasn't able to connect to the emotional part of myself no matter how hard I tried. This frustrated me a little, considering how emotional I was last time. Hopefully I haven't exhausted myself, but I don't see how that could be possible. Maybe next time will be intense enough for me to feel that emotional connection. For now though, I'm just left hanging.

Workshop: Songwriting 1

I've attempted to write a song plenty of times, but none of these times ever fell through to something successful. I guess it just takes practice to get better. For the workshop we had to write a song with another person. I worked with John. This helped me realize something: doing art with another person is hard. A lot of it is because two different people have two completely different thought paths. It's hard to tell what the other person is thinking, and it's difficult to get the ideas to correspond together. It makes me wonder how Paul McCartney and John Lennon were able to pull it off so well. I wonder what it was like when they first got together in high school to write their first song, how much they struggled with it.

After the workshop I went home and attempted to write my own song. Unlike before, I just sat myself down and forced myself to do it. I played around with chord progressions, words, and rhythm. After working on one song for a while, I decided to just play around with some finger picking and I started playing a waltz. Then I started singing and all of a sudden I had the first lyrics to a song come right out of my mouth. Following the idea, I continued writing and finished it in 10 minutes. Of course I still have to work on improving the lyrics and melody line, but I was able to get something with set lyrics, set music, and a set ending, which was something I've never done before. Needless to say I was overjoyed. I might post it in my next workshop post.

People say that you need inspiration to create art. That's not true in the slightest. It was only when I had a deadline that I finally let my creativity out and wrote a song, not when I felt "inspiration". Some things you create may be better than others, but you need to constantly create to even have a chance of getting something great. It's tedious, but worth it.

Workshop: Jim Bonney 1

This workshop was wonderful, and I'm not just saying that because everyone thought it was so great. The workshop brought out a part of me I haven't seen for about 4 years now, a part of me that I deeply missed.

First he told us to get in touch with out inner child. I saw the smiling face of a 7 year old, frolicking among play equipment and dancing on sand. I always considered myself having a miserable past, but that's not true. My past was happy and joyful. It's only when I grew up that I looked upon it in shame. She looked at me with wide eyes and a straight face. I cried.

Then we stood up and began repetition. We started with a simple phrase. "Out of my way." The more it was said the more meaning went behind it. I imagined all of the people I really wish I could push out of my way. All the past bullies, all the present bullies, the people who drive me insane. We continued onward with phrases like "It's all mine! I'm number 1!" These are things that I could never imagine saying, especially nowadays. But you know what? It felt amazing. For once, I was worth something. For once, I deserved to live.

He told us many phrases and we had to consistently say no to them. "Do your homework! Clean your room! Don't you dare talk to me in that tone of voice!" He targeted me the same way I targeted myself, but I forced myself to say no. I run the show now and not anyone else.

Afterwards, I sat by myself staring at the window. My hateful voices were gone. I was at peace with myself, and I realized how much I loved to be by myself, within myself. This is a peace that I haven't felt since I was a small child. A peace that has been gone for far too long.

After a short break, we did improv based on our emotions. I was improving with Jared, with him being the father and me being the daughter. The situation was that I came home after curfew and he was mad at me for breaking the rules. I broke out in a series of arguments and insults, things that I sometimes wish I could say to my dad. In a way, it seems like acting is pretending to have the life that you want so you can feel complete, at least for a little while.

Ska Workshop 6 and Europe

So a long time ago was the last workshop with Freddie. I didn't get to stay for long since I had to leave for France, but I did get to play Baba O'Reilly a few times before I left. Reflecting on the workshop now that it's done, I see that I actually learned a lot. One of the things I learned is how to do a cover on a song with a band. The trick is to figure out the chords and how long each chord lasts. That's pretty much the core of making a cover of a song. The rhythms and stuff are secondary. Before the workshop, I didn't realize how simple it actually is.

I spent my entire winter vacation in Europe. Words can't even describe how incredible it was. But I'll try to sum it up as best as I can.

One thing I learned a lot about was religion and churches. An intricately designed church can be read just like a book. Every statue tells part of the story of God, Jesus, and the bible, as well as history of the country.
Look at the picture below. This just a part of the cathedral in Reims.

If you look carefully, you may see these things

• In the middle is Jesus
• To his right is people being carried to heaven
• To his left is people being carried to hell
• Above him on one of the higher rows are the virgins emerging

You can see similar designs on the church of Notre Dame in Paris.

In the second to last square on the bottom is a demon taking a crap on some sinners

The rest of what I learned is hazy, but you get the idea. Since people for the most part couldn't read, they told their stories through pictures. It made me think about how we've been talking about religion and rituals in STAC. It's incredible to think that so many people were united under these myths and beliefs. For many people, the time in church was the only time they felt like they had purpose. I completely understand the feeling of something greater, and the want to connect to that in a negative and desolate world.

Inside of these churches there was an eerie darkness filled with colorful splotches of light.

The details on the stain glass windows are so intricate, most aren't even visible to the naked eye. Looking inside a pair of binoculars you can see that every animal, crop, person, and tool is strongly defined and fully colored. Many of these churches were under construction for at least 200 years. It shows.

Speaking of places that connect you with something greater, Switzerland is breathtaking.

I'm speechless.

Ska Workshop 5

Today we worked on Baba O'Reilly. Nowadays with the workshop, we've mostly been working on group coordination and not so much music theory. That's really important though. I think in general, our group needs to learn to listen to each other more. And I'm not just saying that because I'm playing the saxophone without a microphone which is barely audible. I've found lately that there's not really a good balance between the different parts. When people have solos on the guitar, I can barely hear it over the chords. If we all listen to each other carefully, I'm sure we can learn more from each other instead of just focusing on our own repetitive parts.

In addition to just jamming, we interviewed Freddie. He talked about how hard work and practice will bring you anywhere you want to go. Considering how he's been in 2 successful bands and is about to release his 11th album, this seems pretty believable. In addition, he's collaborated with many other musicians and recorded for movies and TV shows. That's pretty much my goal. It was very inspiring to me to know that is really is possible to be successful if you work hard enough. I think I have a new role model.

Ska Workshop 4

Today we worked on more improv and jamming. We stayed in the key of E while improving. I really, really dislike the key of E now, since on a saxophone the key is actually C#, which has 7 sharps. Not pleasant. Randomly, Freddie began to play a song. We all instantly knew what it was. Baba O'Reilly. This one was in the key of F, thankfully for me. It was so cool how without even saying the name of the song, we all instantly knew what it was and we all joined in. We're all learning how to jam as a band and listen to each other. It's really great because it's not often that I get to play music in a group (unless you count multiple violins, but that's something different). I really wish I was in a band. At least once I'm in one I'll know what to do.

Ska Workshop 3

Today we worked on the blues. We did the standard 12 bar, as well as learning a tag at the end. We focused on  learning a good bass line and improvising. I love having a chance to improvise because it's such an important skill. It practices so many things including scales, listening, playing on the spot, and figuring out what works and what doesn't. It's pretty difficult to do, and my second goal of this workshop is to improve on my improvisation.

One thing I would like to do more of is learn more about Ska music. Last time we just worked on the cover of a song, and today we just worked on the blues, which is a pretty simple concept. I'd like to do what we were doing last Tuesday when we were learning about music theory and styling and other such things. Music theory is something that I need to improve on, since a lot of times it just blows over my head. I want to learn about the more intellectual aspects of this music than the actual putting into action, at least for the time being.

Ska Workshop 2

This time, we didn't wait a second before we started playing. We already had our plan for the day: create a Ska-Punk version of Don't Stop Believin'. I always think it's cool to hear overplayed songs in different contexts. It makes them sound fresh and new again. First we learned the bass line and chords and such. Then we listened to the melody. We added the chorus and in maybe half an hour or so we were jamming away! It's so great to be able to learn music so fast with a group. Playing instruments solo can be lonely, and trying to play with my friends can be almost impossible. With a mentor to guide us though, this process was made a lot easier.

Now that I am aware of Ska I'm starting to recognize it in different songs. I got the album True Stories by Talking Heads at the pharmacy today, and while listening to one of the tracks, I detected the strong upbeat that was played by the rhythm section throughout the song. I knew instantly that song was based off Ska. It's so great to learn something and then look around and notice it was always there, just waiting for you to discover it. It makes you wonder what else you're missing out on.

Ska Workshop 1

Today, we just threw ourselves into the music. Freddie explained to us how to base chords off of notes in a scale, and how to do chord progressions. We worked on the chord progression 1 6 4 5. One of the key elements of the style is the strong upbeat, which was played by the drums, piano, and rhythm guitar. We then took the melody of a few songs we knew with the same chord progression and played it over the backup. In no time we were making music!

We also spent a lot of time focusing on music theory. Along with chord progressions, we also learned about the three different 7 chords: the major 7, dominant 7, and minor 7. We tested our ability to listen and differentiate between the types, and we also learned finger exercises. It wasn't easy, but I'm sure with practice that we'll be able to lift our middle and pinky finger together while leaving all other fingers absolutely still.

What I hope to accomplish in this workshop is to learn more about music theory, and effectively put it into action. I have two guitar teachers and one saxophone teacher, each trying to teach me this theory, but with all these voices at once it all just blows over my head. I hope that in this workshop I'll be able to straighten everything out and understand it, and along with this understanding, be able to use it. I mean what's the point of learning something if you're not gonna put it into good use?

Freddie Reiter and Ska

Ska is a genre of music that came from Jamaica around the 1950s. The style was created when people living in the Caribbean attempted to recreate the R&B from New Orleans that they heard over the radio. The heavy beat which emphasizes the upbeats defines this style, and also defines styles that followed such as rocksteady and Reggae. The history of Ska can be divided into 3 waves: The first being the original creators, the second wave  when the music reached Britian and gained a more Punk flavor, and the 3rd wave where Ska expanded even more.

Ska-Jazz is a variation on this. It's takes the strong beat of Ska and combines it with the melodic themes of Jazz. Something a Ska-Jazz band would do is play a John Coltrane melody with the ska beat. This subgenre came from the 3rd wave of Ska, but lacks the punk flavoring most Ska of the wave had. Also (according to my saxophone teacher) Ska bands have the best names, such as the Squirrel Nut Zippers and Reel Big Fish.

Freddie Reiter is a musician who plays this kind of music with his band the New York Ska-Jazz Ensemble, and previously, The Toasters. Many difficulties come from creating a band that combines musical styles. His band comes more from an origin of Jazz than for Ska, so it's difficult to keep a modern jazz flavor with a classic Ska theme as to not turn away people who like Ska in it's basic form. The balance of keeping all fans happy is very delicate.

Here's an interesting interview on Freddie Reiter if you guys are curious.

The Privilege to Watch Movies

Christmas break in Minnesota was actually a bit interesting. It's nice to visit and see what a small town is like. It seems homey. The people are friendly. There's a bit family vibe, and there's so much you can learn about the people's lives.

One of the days during the trip I went to see a movie called Unstoppable (It's a movie about 2 people stopping a runaway train. It's pretty much as good a movie as you can make about 2 people stopping a runaway train). After seeing the movie, my mom and I were on our way out of the theater. We see a jar on a table, labelled "New Technology Fund". My mom begins conversation with the woman who works there, curious. Shyly, I watched and listened.

"You know not that many movies come out on film anymore. We need to buy a whole new silver screen to replace the one we already got, just because it runs digital movies. That's a big money eater. We also got to buy the new projection equipment. It's a lot more expensive than the old style equipment. Then we got to buy a technician to run the equipment, and that's an entirely new job we gotta pay for. We don't make much money, so this is really difficult for us. It's sending many movie theaters out of business, this new technology. And it's always changing, which means we need to always buy more improvements for it. It ain't easy."

Now let's keep in mind. In Minnesota, they don't have a movie theater every 5 miles, and seeing a movie isn't a regular weekend activity. They only have one theater for at least 20 miles, and that theater only has one screen. If that movie theater closes, people will have to drive a half hour out to Fairmont to see any film. This means that people won't go out to see movies very often. The art of film is simply not readily available to them.

"I took over this movie theater around 8 or 9 years ago. It wasn't in good shape, but me and my husband fixed it up. I just love movies so much, I wanted to be able to give that privilege to others."

I'm not saying this new film technology is bad. I just thought it was interesting how much effort this woman put into her theater so that she could give the joy of movies to as many people as she possibly can. I really admire that, and I think it's a shame that her and so many others have to go through these problems.