Workshop: Jim Bonney 1

This workshop was wonderful, and I'm not just saying that because everyone thought it was so great. The workshop brought out a part of me I haven't seen for about 4 years now, a part of me that I deeply missed.

First he told us to get in touch with out inner child. I saw the smiling face of a 7 year old, frolicking among play equipment and dancing on sand. I always considered myself having a miserable past, but that's not true. My past was happy and joyful. It's only when I grew up that I looked upon it in shame. She looked at me with wide eyes and a straight face. I cried.

Then we stood up and began repetition. We started with a simple phrase. "Out of my way." The more it was said the more meaning went behind it. I imagined all of the people I really wish I could push out of my way. All the past bullies, all the present bullies, the people who drive me insane. We continued onward with phrases like "It's all mine! I'm number 1!" These are things that I could never imagine saying, especially nowadays. But you know what? It felt amazing. For once, I was worth something. For once, I deserved to live.

He told us many phrases and we had to consistently say no to them. "Do your homework! Clean your room! Don't you dare talk to me in that tone of voice!" He targeted me the same way I targeted myself, but I forced myself to say no. I run the show now and not anyone else.

Afterwards, I sat by myself staring at the window. My hateful voices were gone. I was at peace with myself, and I realized how much I loved to be by myself, within myself. This is a peace that I haven't felt since I was a small child. A peace that has been gone for far too long.

After a short break, we did improv based on our emotions. I was improving with Jared, with him being the father and me being the daughter. The situation was that I came home after curfew and he was mad at me for breaking the rules. I broke out in a series of arguments and insults, things that I sometimes wish I could say to my dad. In a way, it seems like acting is pretending to have the life that you want so you can feel complete, at least for a little while.