Making Mistakes

You stand at a crossroads. There are two paths. One will take you to what you believe to be your destination, the other one will lead to a dead end. You cannot tell which one is which. Confused, you think of a way in which you can find out where the paths lead without taking a single step. Quickly, you realize this is not possible. So what do you do?

Well I don't know your life, but I can tell you from my experience I would likely stand there, indecisive. Perhaps I would turn around and not even bother.

Why do I, like so many people, fear making mistakes?

From what I've observed in life, a person isn't afraid of making mistakes per say. After all, a mistake just means something went wrong. Once you figure out what happened, you can make sure it doesn't go wrong again. You may be disappointed by your imperfection, but it's not a big deal.

Fear lies in the consequences of making a mistake.

If you choose the path which ends up being a dead end, you may end up stuck. You know you had the opportunity to take the right path, but you didn't. To no fault of your own, you trap yourself. However, because the situation seemed remotely within your control, you blame yourself.

Mistakes are a healthy part of life. A person has to make mistakes in order to learn how to live. How many times has someone warned you not to do something, but you didn't listen and you end up wishing you did? Words don't penetrate the mind like action does. Read about a slaughterhouse and you don't care. See a slaughterhouse and suddenly you're inspired to make revolutions. Does a person support cancer because they feel extra nice? No, they do it because their cousin died of cancer. We can't conceive how the world works without experiencing it, and we can't experience new things without making mistakes. New experiences mean you lack experience, and it is almost certain you will handle a new situation incorrectly unless you luck out, which isn't going to happen 100% of the time.

If new experiences are awesome and mistakes aren't a big deal, then why is there so much fear?

It can easily be summed up in one word. Regret.

A side effect of failure, regret is a feeling you acquire when you've made a mistake that cannot be undone. Many mistakes cannot be undone. You can't unkill someone. You can't unspoil someone's innocence. The past cannot be undone.

Those who are hopeful have the view that we should ignore the past and move on with our lives. I think you would all agree that's easier said than done. Besides the fact that you have trouble letting a mistake go because you feel as if you chose for things to go wrong, other people often do not let go of the mistakes of others. You can drive safely 99% percent of the time, but the one time you end up in a accident is what matters. If a mother crying because her son got killed by a car, saying "I usually drive pretty well" isn't going to make her feel better. Her son is dead. To quote the movie Juno, "That is one etch-a-sketch that cannot be undid, homeskillet." In the film they were talking about a pregnancy test, but you catch my drift.

I can say I don't have many major regrets in my life. However, many nights when I'm sitting in bed unable to sleep, I review my actions and I think, "Damn that was really stupid." Then I get mad at myself, even though there is nothing I can do to change the situation and my frustration is ultimately futile. I can think about things I did in elementary school that still make me feel like a fool. I'm sure you guys can as well.

With the internet, a whole new layer of complexity has been added to the process of mistake making. In the old days, if you made a mistake, you could pretend it never happened. Now, if you make a stupid post on facebook, or add an embarrassing picture of yourself, or send a message to someone that you probably shouldn't, it is there forever. Sure, you can delete it. But what difference does it make when your shameful moment has already been seen by so many people? Once information has entered the head of another person, it is no longer within your control. They can think about it as much as they want. They can do with it as they like. They can shame you as much as they want. And you can't do anything about it. The film Inception told us, "There's nothing more powerful than an idea." Once Mal had the idea that the world she lived in was not reality, she couldn't let it go. The thought could not be unthought.

There are some people out there who just don't learn from their mistakes. A serial killer won't stop killing people just because someone told him it's not the right thing to do. These people are psychopaths who disregard social norms and live life in a delusion. Others acknowledge their mistakes, but are simply too lazy to fix them. I'm sure my mother is fully aware that she has a hoarding problem, but she chooses not to do anything about. "It's too hard," she tells me. "I've always lived this way." That's giving up.

You shouldn't give up.

Even though our mistakes weigh us down, we must understand that they are simply a part of life. Any effort to avoid mistakes stops you from moving forward. And if you feel really badly about something you have done, try distracting yourself. I read like a monster. The information I learn always gives me plenty to think about, shoving those unwanted regretful thoughts out of my mind. In addition, you may not be able to undo the past, but you can tie up loose ends. Making an effort to fix your mistakes is better than just running away. A scar won't heal, but it sure looks better when you give it stitches.