Lessons Learned

I think I can finally say at this point that I've made my way out of my artistic slump, and I am very happy! I want to take a moment and reflect on where I am artistically at the moment. I apologize if this post is all over the place.

When I made my movie about homosexuality, it was a big step for me. The process taught me a number of things.

1. Generic and straightforward plot lines are BETTER
Because I was given so little time to work on the movie, I didn't have the liberty to think, "What makes this story special? What makes this story important?" My goal was to create a generic gay love story that ends in a breakup, although it wasn't just that. The pivotal element in the film was the psychoanalysis scene. The plot was straightforward, but the movie felt new. It looked great, and it had excellent acting, and that's what made it new. Personally, I hate overly complex story lines and pretentious film interludes. That is why I made my film the way I made it.

2. A physical product is so much better than an ideological one
When I made my film, I had a few clear images in my head, but for the most part, I watched it come to life before my eyes. I didn't have any strict preconceived ideas, so the movie came out better than I had imagined. Seeing the movie physically in front of me made me feel so good, because I felt like I accomplished something. There was physical proof!

As I gain more maturity, I have gotten better at completing tasks. I make a conscious effort to not overextend myself, because when I try to do too much, I accomplish very little. Also, I try to stick a project out until the end, even if I lose interest in it, because I like to have the physical proof of accomplishment. This is how I read books, and I think it's been working pretty well so far. Reading has given me discipline.

3. Do research
I didn't do research specifically for this project, but as I explained earlier, I was in the process of reading a book about homosexuality, making me very informed on the subject. This information was incredibly helpful to me. Not only did it give me example situations I could use in my movie, but it gave me the feelings of what it was like to be a homosexual, which I experienced vicariously. It was this vicarious experience that I based my film on. Obviously we can never fully understand how another person feels, but I imagined the situations and I imagined myself in them, and I felt physically upset.

When I was filming, I tried to communicate to this my actors, and it proved decently effective. I told Emily, "You're in anguish because everyone is telling you that you're feelings are wrong. You feel embarrassed because you don't want to have these feelings that people say are wrong. You also feel anxious because you know that you are going to have to reject Danielle." When I was describing it, I started getting upset myself, and Emily played off of that.

As a whole, I think this project made me more focused and more courageous, although I think a number of my revelations derive from my new maturity.

Right now, I'm staying narrowly focused, and I'm working for product and craft more than factory and ideal. What I've realized is that when you go into a project for the purpose of practicing a craft, it ends up as art. It may seem shallow, but when making art, your goal should be to make something that either looks or sounds cool. The meaning comes later, and it comes naturally. You should barely think about it.

Moods

I was reading the book Luke gave us on how to make films, and although my interest in film making isn't strong at the moment, I've read more than halfway through the book (I like finishing things). One part of the book that stuck with me is when they talked about "inspiration boards." When a person is writing a script or an artistic director is trying to imagine a scene for a film, they take pictures of the environment the story takes place in, and that sets a mood.

One thing I noticed about the Oscar nominated films is that they all had a very particular mood, which they depicted using setting, music, colors, and outfits. Films like Lincoln and Les Mis had very strong moods, and I think that's what gave them a "wow" factor. I think that's why people love art based in the past. They love to experience different moods.

Living Vicariously

As an artist, I want to work on setting moods for my art pieces. This means doing extensive research. I love doing research, and with my newfound ability to dedicate myself to projects, I think I have the ability to truly immerse myself in a culture and time period. This immersion will help me feel the feelings that people felt at the time. That was a bit redundant. What I mean is that if I have proper context, I can experience other people's lives vicariously.

I've recently become aware of my amazing ability to understand people vicariously. I don't know what it is, but when people tell me something they are experiencing, I understand why they are upset, because I feel it myself. One of my Venezuelan friends was complaining to me about the corruption of the government, and I realized that the reason he was upset with his government is because he sees how much better our government is. I told him, "It must be upsetting to see how well democracy works in my country, and how poorly it works in yours." He told me, "It's infuriating."

People say that Shakespeare was a great playwright because he truly understood the human condition. Some people tell me I should be a psychologist because of my abilities. I think I would rather use my abilities to communicate how people feel through art.