Closing Up

This is the End
Being that this blog has mostly been my artistic conversation with Luke, and being that I am now graduating STAC and moving onto the next phase of my life, I believe that it is time for me to bring this artistic journal, and phase of my life, to a close.

I have had some incredible times on this blog. It first began with my introspection into a world beyond reality; into a world of confusion and emotional turmoil. It moved into a blog documenting the process of my projects. Then it became my way of analyzing art and developing my library. Finally, it concluded as a combination of all three.

As I've said many times before, writing is how I make sense of the crazy and erratic thoughts in my mind. When this blog is gone, I will trust on my own that I am on the right track. I won't have Luke or anyone else to check on me. I'm taking off the training wheels and riding the bike. Not that Luke checked up on me too much anyhow, trusting that I basically knew what I was doing. Still, it is different now, without that pyschological cushion.

Right Now
Where do I stand? Well, this summer I am working for my father, taking Spanish tutoring, and travelling back to Romania. I can tell you that after all the stress of high school, I am delighted to have a bland office job. Half the time, I'm just reading the news or reading books while waiting for things to do. It's a simple, consistent life, and I like it quite a lot. It feels rewarding to work for money. At work, you get paid for your toils. At school, they give you a stupid amount of work and tell you "This is your own reward, so shut up."

I don't know if I would want to work an office job like that for the rest of my life, but if I were working for a corporation I truly believed in, I think I would be very happy. I could see myself as a higher executive of some sort. But I also feel I would want a job that involves interacting with people more, such as being a teacher. There are many possibilities. The future is bright.

I still have a desire to write and make art. However, I've been so happy to have free time, I've spent much of it lounging around. I started reading Diaries from a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke, which I don't think is one of his more famous works, but I find it gratifying nonetheless. In a way, this blog has been my diary as a young artist. Many of my thoughts were concurrent with his. If I binded it in a book, could I market it? Probably not, but it's a nice thought.

I don't know if I want to become a full time artist, even if I had the choice. They say "if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life." Bullshit. Everything is work. When I was pulling together my book, was it all fun? No way! Sometimes it really sucked! I was not doing what I loved. I was doing something I needed to do that I mildly enjoyed but also drove me insane. So really, it doesn't matter if I'm working in art or anything else, because I'm going to be working no matter what. What matters is if, in the long run, you're happy with what you've accomplished and how you've contributed to improving society. That's what makes the work worth it, no matter what field you work in.


The Plan

STAC Blog
I am going to save a backup of this in a few safe places. Then this will be removed from the internet. Goodbye everyone.

EllenRoseWrites
I will backup and clear this out as well. My best posts are in my book, so there's no need to put them online. And everything else is just junk. Once I clear it out, I will decide what to do based on what I feel like writing and what I feel like posting.

My Personal Development
In lieu of my blog, I will start to journal more about my artistic issues as well as my thoughts for the future in general. This will help me maintain direction. Often, you know what you want to do deep down. It's simply a matter of listening.