But is it weird that I'm not?
Everything's blowing over my head. People are nice, it makes me confused. I make a whole album, I still feel like I'm not a real musician. I feel crushed by the psychological pressure of all of my musician friends who've already been performing, sharing music, and getting themselves out there. Even now, I'm feel embarrassed to admit I created an entire album.
Of course I'm proud of myself. It was a pretty good feat. But I'm not happy. At least not at this moment.
Why can't I just sit down and say to myself, "Ellen, you did a good job." Everyone else has been saying it. I know it's true. But I can't accept it yet.
For my next project, I definitely want to do something in a group. It's great to do things all by myself, but I feel so lonely all the time. Perhaps I just cut myself off. It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
People ask me, how did you even accomplish a whole CD? Simple. I did it. I put work into it, so it's not a huge surprise to me or anything. But thanks for the kind words. I really take it to heart.
I'll probably feel better tomorrow when my CDs are put out at STAC Live and everyone enjoys them.
Dear goodness. Luke told me today I was married to music. It's so true. I'm in love with music. And I always feel like it's cheating on me.
Well... I think the record is a triumph. I've listened to it 3 times all the way through. I think #4 is gorgeous - could you perform it live tomorrow night? I love Manny - #8? Where did that idea come from? The story, the lyrics, the way you kept rhythm, it's unique.
ReplyDeleteIt's really a great record, and I'm not just saying it.
Luke
Pretty common to feel down after you finish a project. We second guess it, we find things wrong with it (deformed baby syndrome) and we have a hole that up until a few hours ago was filled with our dreams and a huge amount of energy. Now the hole is filled, and we feel its emptiness. It's backwards, but that's the way out goes.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the world of making records!
Luke