The Enneagram: A Second Chance!

So today (well tonight) I've been working on getting the songs ready for mixing tomorrow. And two very magical things happened.

1. I successfully rewrote Type 5

Honestly, I'd been working at this for a while. I spent hours on it today, and hours throughout the week. I had some cool riffs, but they didn't fit together. The song didn't sound whole. I tried a whole bunch of stuff. I searched for copyright free recordings of Bach Partitas and put vocal overdubs. I created an audio play. I had computerized voices say 5-like phrases to reflect on their lack of emotionality. It was about 9PM, and I thought I was going to settle on the computer voices, but the thought came to my head, "What if you added a little song at the end." The Bach song I stole was in Bb, so I played a Bb chord to brainstorm. Then, I played an A major. I started humming a little.

And then I wrote an entire song with only two chords. 

Both of those chords are major chords that are a half step away from each other. I thought that the song would sound annoying and repetitive, but it's still stuck in my head right now. I think it might be the first song on the album that I've chosen to listen to multiple times because I like it. That's a big deal.

For the new version, I've discovered a way to give someone a promo code discount on Bandcamp. I'll set it as a single, and I'll give you guys the password for a free download. It'll be worth it.

2. My voice got better

How ironic. My last blog post I was talking about my lack of confidence in my voice. But after working on my Type 5 song, my voice got (gasp) better! I swear! I'm starting to understand how it works better. When I sing, I feel my throat and airpipe opening farther. I'm able to give longer, more confident notes. My voice doesn't waver as much as it used to. For the past 2 hours or so, I've been re-recording vocals on almost all the songs, cause I'm just in a singy mood.

I hope to pick up a book on singing soon. Singing for Dummies, something like that. I think that all I needed to make my voice better was practice. And now, I've had more practice. 

I'm progressing up the musical train of life.

Yesterday I went to Luke's art show and talked to a few other musicians. The more I talk to people, the easier it gets. The easier it is to make connections. I'm really excited to put my album on Bandcamp and get it out there. That way when people ask, "You made an album?" I can say, "Yes I did, and you can go buy it here!" instead of "Yeah, and you can hear it. Eventually."

The Enneagram: I'll get it on Bandcamp, eventually...

GUYS THIS IS MY 100TH BLOG POST!
Sorry I just had to acknowledge that. I've written more, but I deleted a bunch of them because a lot of it was "Ah, I'm a teenager, I hate the world, my parents are crazy" blah blah. But the number of posts is at 100. And what a great way to end the year.

My project technically isn't over until I get it on Bandcamp I suppose. To be honest though, I've just spent this last week being lazy and embracing the fact that I have free time. I taught myself some calligraphy.

I started out writing European countries, but then I thought that was being prejudice,
so I wrote the names of all sorts of countries.
Also I love seeing the names of such turbulent countries in beautiful text.
Sounds like a great idea for a FOT piece of art.

Since I'm getting sort of a "second life" with this album, I've been using this as a chance to rewrite Type 5, the song I dislike, and do it better. For that song, I've experimented a little bit with counterpoint. At the moment it's a completely jumbled up mess, but hopefully I'll be able to get things together before I leave for sleepaway camp.

Also, I want to revise a few parts, redo some vocals. I am not that great at singing. I really don't know why. Perhaps it's an issue of confidence, but whenever I sing I don't feel, legitimate? At this point I am completely fine with everything else, but I don't know what to do about that. I took some singing lessons briefly but I don't think I learned all that much. Maybe I just need practice. In our society, it always seems like only those with beautiful voices have permission to sing. This makes me sad, because I think singing is fun and we should all sing regardless of our vocal abilities. But I digress.

It's really important I get this on bandcamp. A bunch of friends and people I know who don't live near here want copies, and I need to start getting my name out.

Luke, when do you want to mix the album?

The Enneagram: Reflections

Well. STAC Night. That was pretty cool, huh?

I still remember one of the first STAC Nights I went to. There was a girl singing a song with a guy playing the piano. Luke announced that the girl wrote the song herself, and that blew my mind. See when I was younger, I thought only incredibly special people were physically able to make music, like old composers or gritty rock stars. But teenagers? No way.

And of course my sophomore year I write my first album, sell it, and autograph it. People are listening to my music. And I did it all by myself.

Ever since I got really interested in music, I've always asked myself, how do the musicians become successful? When people interview them, what do they have to show? And how do I do that? I think that was a major pushing force in making my album. I just wanted to do something incredible. I've always had that excess energy inside of me that needed to be put towards something worthwhile. That's why I play so many instruments.

Now what happens?

Seniors are leaving. I'm going to be an upperclassman. Things are going to change. I have no clue what the future will bring.

I should probably think more about my artistic issues. Now that I've gotten practice in making music, I want to start making music about something important and make a difference in this world. Problem is, I don't know how.

After seeing so many videos in social studies of 3rd world countries in conflict, people with their families killed, homes destroyed, I want to do something.

At the same time though, I think of all the confused people in America, who feel stuck in dead end jobs and unhappy lives. I want to give them hope and meaning.

The world really sucks.

I feel conflicted constantly. There's so much in my life, and so much missing.

I don't even know why I'm writing this at all. I thought I had something important to say, but it's just starting to become nonsense talk.

I think I'm just frustrated because now I don't have a clear path. Before I thought, make the album, everything will be better. But now it's done, and my life kind of generally feels the same. No better, no worse.

What is happiness anyway? Where is it? Why have so few people found it? Most importantly, what do I have to do to reach happiness?

For now, I'm going to spend my summer on musical hiatus. I'll be doing improv, and hopefully I'll get better because at this point I'm still pretty bad at it. I want to teach myself a few languages, like ASL, Spanish, and Portuguese. Languages are a great way to feel like you're part of the international community. Maybe I'll even try reading some French novels, although I'm not so great at French. I just want to be doing something of importance. Or maybe I just want to be important.

That would explain a lot.

The Enneagram: Day 43, I should be happy right now

But is it weird that I'm not?

Everything's blowing over my head. People are nice, it makes me confused. I make a whole album, I still feel like I'm not a real musician. I feel crushed by the psychological pressure of all of my musician friends who've already been performing, sharing music, and getting themselves out there. Even now, I'm feel embarrassed to admit I created an entire album.

Of course I'm proud of myself. It was a pretty good feat. But I'm not happy. At least not at this moment.

Why can't I just sit down and say to myself, "Ellen, you did a good job." Everyone else has been saying it. I know it's true. But I can't accept it yet.

For my next project, I definitely want to do something in a group. It's great to do things all by myself, but I feel so lonely all the time. Perhaps I just cut myself off. It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

People ask me, how did you even accomplish a whole CD? Simple. I did it. I put work into it, so it's not a huge surprise to me or anything. But thanks for the kind words. I really take it to heart.

I'll probably feel better tomorrow when my CDs are put out at STAC Live and everyone enjoys them.

Dear goodness. Luke told me today I was married to music. It's so true. I'm in love with music. And I always feel like it's cheating on me.

The Enneagram: Day 42

I recorded and fixed the recordings of every song. I didn't have a kazoo for Type 8 because I left it at the school, so that track isn't so good. The other tracks are decent though.

I also added a second intro part in which I list the types with a one word description (Type 1, the Reformer). It sounds pretty good.

I suppose at this point all I have to do is get everything printed and put together. Tomorrow I have to perform with the Jazz Band at senior awards, and still get my homework done. Not to mention print all the booklets, cut them, staple them (my parents bought me a 15 inch stapler, it's very bizarre looking), put the stickers on the CDs, load all the track onto every CD, and then put it all together.

Is it crazy that even though I've gotten so much work done I STILL feel like I could be in better shape?

But what can you do. I'm going to bring in a copy for Luke. Then I'll get the rest in by STAC night.

Are you guys sure people won't mind listening to a recording without visuals?

The Enneagram: Day 41, What should the cover be?

I really need to work on recording. I've been getting lazy, I know. Or maybe I'm taking a necessary break. After all, I wasn't home until 2:30 last night as I spent most of the day either going out or sleeping. But I haven't finished the recording yet.

I have however been thinking about the cover for the album. At first I thought, well of course put the Enneagram on the cover. After thinking it over though, I wasn't sure if that would be best. After all, the symbol is already on the CD, and wouldn't two copies be overkill? Also, even if I showed clear image examples of it, no ones going to understand what it means unless they look it up themselves. So should the cover be something else?

For some reason, the idea popped into my head to take of picture of me sitting on the floor wearing a dress and holding a crumpled up paper heart in my hand. Almost like the person teared the heart from their body and destroyed it, which is one of the principal ideas of the Enneagram. I created a make-shift tripod by hanging my camera from the mic stand and I took this creepy picture.

I liked the blurriness

I edited it over a little, and I added an Enneagram symbol with a swan in it, because pasted text looks awful and swans are pretty.

I think it's kind of cool. But why didn't I just leave this as a surprise? Well, I think it might be a little ridiculous. I feel like I'm taking myself way too seriously, that having a cover like that is overdoing it. Not to mention that it doesn't have much to do with the album, and it looks like someone who's just gone through a bad breakup.

I also need to figure out how to present during STAC Live. At this moment it looks like I'm going to be making a slideshow video of some sort, but a slideshow of what exactly? I've kind of put off thinking about it, but tomorrow is Sunday, and it is essentially my last day to work. This means I have to figure it out soon. But I'm sure I'll get something. I always do.

The Enneagram: Day 39, It's a beauty!

So I've been working on the physical side of producing the CD. Since a CD booklet prints 3 sheets stapled together, I can't print page 1, 2, and 3 one after the other. After trying to mathematically calculate which page prints where, Luke gave me the idea of cutting out sheets of paper, folding them together, and using them as a reference. Duh. Why couldn't I think of that?

Today I got a very important aspect of production solved. The CD sticker. I picked up one of those CD sticker kits at Staples and worked on learning to use it. The kit came with a CD, some sticker sheets, and a tool called the CD stomper which is used to align the sticker onto the CD.

CD SMASH!!!!

The program was a bit difficult. I uploaded a lovely picture of the Enneagram, but it cut off the numbers at the edges, and it wouldn't let me adjust the size of the background to include the numbers. I tried adjusting it in Preview, but Preview wasn't helpful. Man, I really wish Macs had paint. In the end, I went onto my free trial of Adobe Photoshop Elements and extending the white background. The new image fit the CD template perfectly.

It continued to print quite well onto the CD sticker.

And after I used the stomper, I got a CD.

Oh man. It's so beautiful. And it's only a little bit distorted, which I might be able to make a quick fix for. That checks another thing off the list. Now to get the booklet printed and the rest of the CD recorded. I bought "Presentation Paper", which will hopefully be tougher than regular printer paper. It looks like I'll be spending my Sunday in production mode.

The Enneagram: Day 36, I Hate This Song

You know, you're not going to like everything you do. And today I recorded my Type 5 song. It's sounds like crap. But whatever.

At this point, I've recorded all my songs that need drums, and one song that doesn't need drums. I have 2 songs left to record. At this rate I might be done before the end of the week. Question is, should I go and try to make the recordings better afterwards, or should I just leave it be and take a well deserved break? Most of the recordings I don't want to go back to. There may be some issues, but fixing those issues would take lots of time which I don't have patience for at this moment. Especially for Type 5. I'm done with that.

But hey, what is there to complain about when I finish my project early? I guess I'll just figure out how I'm going to do my booklet, and then maybe I'll do some drawing, or teach myself sign language. Oh, and I also need to figure out how I'm going to present during STAC Live.

I'm wondering if I should do a live performance. I do need to work on live stage presence. At the same time though, I love my Type 9 song, and it's basically my first recording, so I want to present that with a picture slideshow or something. I just need to decide which one I'm doing, because I don't think I can do both (nor would I want to). Decisions decisions.

The Enneagram Day 35

Today, I discovered that playing drums while listening to a metronome with headphones is a great way to keep the tempo. In hindsight, I probably should've done this earlier, but ah well.

The more I use Garageband the more learn. Did you know that you can set the drums as a "groove track" and then have the program automatically edit all of your music parts to fit it? Oh my god it does wonders.

Today I recorded 2 of my big arrangement pieces. I basically have a system now. First drums, then guitar, then bass, then vocals, then whatever else. It's been working pretty effectively. I spent about an hour recording the first song, and the other one I'm still in the middle of, but I enjoy it more so I'm putting more effort into it.

Everyday of recording fills me with new wonders. I put a guitar solo in my Type 1 song which sounds so perfect, and the riffs are coming together quite nicely (although not totally in time). Tomorrow is my last day this weekend to record because I'm seeing Foster the People on Tuesday. My goal is to at least finish all the songs with the drum set. Not much else to say. 8 days left.

The Enneagram: Day 34, CD booklets and other things

For the CD booklet

In the morning, I decided to start working on the booklet for my CD. Better to get a head start, to find out how much work making a booklet would actually be.

After doing some test prints, I discovered that a normal plastic CD case can hold a sheet of paper 4.83 x 4.75 inches in length. A two page sheet (to be folded) is 9.66 x 4.75 inches. After more mathematical equations, figuring out the margins, learning how to use Publisher, I finally got something decent.

After this though, I ran into the issue that regular desktop printers do not print solid colors well. My beautiful album intro was infested with lines!

Eghadd!

So, I experimented with lighter colors. Some came out better than others

Only a vague appearance of lines

Ahhhh!

After lighting most of the backgrounds I began putting lyrics. Here's what one of the pages looks like.

And it fits quite snuggly.

Now in addition to the issues of ink lines, I think I also need to get slightly sturdier paper, because the regular printer paper is practically bending in my hands, and inking both sides of it would probably push it off the edge.

That whole photography idea I had isn't going to happen, due to technical difficulties. Not like I actually had time to do it anyway, but at least I know I wasn't missing out on anything.

I'm trying to decide how many CDs to produce. Each booklet will need 3 sheets of paper which yield 4 faces each. If I make 50 CDs I have to cut 150 pieces of paper, unless I find my mom's cutting board, which would mean that maybe I could lower that number to cutting 70 or 50 pieces of paper. It's not gonna be an easy task.

However I decided to stop working on this project after a while so I wouldn't loose too much recording time.

Recording

Here's my fallback for my recordings. There will be wrong notes. There will be off rhythms. It won't be perfect. But it's going to be done.

Today I recorded Type 3, 4, and 9 with full parts. Type 4 was easy, because it's only me and my accordion. Type 3 was slightly more difficult, because it had guitar, bass, and me slamming the desk as drums. However, Type 9 was the most difficult, because I had to record the drums straight, sync everything up to the drums, and keep all the instruments together while there's an acceleration at the end. Oh, and I'm doing each and every track by itself.

First, I recorded the drums. Upon that I put guitar, then bass, then a few keyboard things. As each piece joined together, the song became more and more full. When I put the vocals on top, I was basically fully accompanying myself. It was awfully strange. But it was amazing. I had my own band. Which was myself.

Although the beat isn't exact and sometimes I played a wrong note in a chord, I'm actually very satisfied with how the recording came out. I was expecting there to be a lot of empty white noise, lightness, and a feeling that there's some part missing. But there wasn't. The whole thing sounded whole, and if I didn't screw the drums up so much, it could've sounded like a real recording. At least, I think so ;)

At this point, I want to record at least Type 2, 5, and 6 while I still have a drum set. I'd rather do all of them, but the Type 9 recording took me about 3 1/2 hours, so I don't want to overshoot myself. Problem is, Type 2 and 5 are the two songs I haven't finished writing yet. So I have to work fast.

The Enneagram: Day 33, Wow

I finally set up all the equipment in my basement in a 360. Standing in the middle of the space, it felt magical.

From the outside

The 360

Wow. Everything is really coming together. I almost don't know what to say.

Tomorrow I'm going to start recording. I don't know how long it's going to take, but all songs will be done. I can assure you that.

It's funny. I never thought that I was ever going to be writing my own music in a million years. I only started getting into rock music last year. I've always felt like a fish out of water; never one to have that cool, calm, and collectiveness. Never one to take initiative. Afraid to be alone. Not quite good enough.

But now I'm making my own CD of 9 songs in a matter of about 40 days. I'm performing at STAC Live and I'm going to hand out my own copies of my music. People are going to listen to me.

All there is to way is wow.

The Enneagram: Day 31

I'm happy (or maybe sad) to say that this was the first time I used all 3 STAC periods to effectively write songs.

My self-consciousness is slowly fading. Now I can hold a guitar, write songs, and feel legitimate. Today, I revised the lyrics for my other songs so that they're fully complete. At this point I have 6 songs totally written. Then, I started writing the last 2 songs I had.

After working for some time on my Type 2 song, I said to myself, let's go for the Type 5. I literally just played a random set of notes. Those notes became my bass progression. I had no inhibitions when writing my song. Lyrics flowed easily. Truth be told, a lot of them don't make sense. I think I'm starting to go for a Beck kind of vibe. He writes a lot of songs where the verses are pure word play without any purpose. My song started with riding on a camel's back and delved into phrases about feudalism.

So far, I think this might be my favorite song.

For the end of the STAC period, I watched Luke work with Scott. One important thing he was telling him was that he had a great verse but it wasn't going anywhere and it was repetitive. I wonder if my songs are like that. I mean, I can't do much about it now, but it's something to consider for the future. I try to vary up my verses. In my songwriting book it talked about musical themes within verses, like AABA form. It really made me think about how I form my melodic lines.

And one last thing. I've been playing around with the bass in my house, and one problem I'm having is that the strings make a metal rubbing sound against the frets, even when I'm not picking very hard. I'm not sure if it has to do with the bass itself or how I adjust the treble, middle and base, or the back wire of the amp, with makes no sense to me whatsoever. Time for me to google how a bass works.

The Enneagram: Day 30

30 days. Wowie.

Today I spent a good amount of my STAC period at rehearsal for Captain Canada. I'm incredibly excited for it. The songs are amusing and the script is hilarious. I'm going to be playing drums, which may be a bit of a challenge for me considering that all I've ever learned is a basic beat. I think I'll figure it out on the way though. That's what I usually do.

I started writing another song today, for Type 2. It has a riff from the very first song I learned how to play on the tambura. I'm playing it with a swing feel, so it kind of sounds like Balkan meets Bollywood. The chorus is just regular chords though. I don't want to make my music too weird, or else it'll cease to be catchy. That's one thing I learned when working on a song with Luke yesterday. He kept everything simple, and it ended up sounding better and flowing more. That's one thing I want to work on with the 2 songs I have left.

One big issue I have is drums. At the moment, the only real drum I have in my house is a small drum I got at an Indian reservation in Florida. I used it on my Type 7 song, and it worked quite well. However, that's not going to work for most of my songs, especially the rock ballads. In a perfect world, I would have a drum set and a doumbek in my basement. However, it is not a perfect world, and I must find a way to get my hands on some drums.

At the moment, my plan is to scavenge my room for spare cash so I can buy a doumbek. I think I have about half the amount I need in coins, and that 50 dollar bill I got for Christmas should be lying around somewhere. I need to figure out if I want a synthetic doumbek or a natural one with fish hide. The synthetic doumbek is easier to buy (you can get them in most music stores) and it's unaffected by humidity, but it doesn't have that natural, authentic kind of sound. The natural doumbek does have that sound, but it only sounds good in certain environments. Also, it's harder to get. I could try plan C, which is borrowing a doumbek. Unfortunately though, it's not so easy to find people who own a doumbek in the Long Island area.

Another issue is a drum set. I could either forget the doumbek and try to get myself a drum set, or I could record drums during STAC with the drum set in the STAC room. Maybe, I could even go to someone's house and record there.

Right now I'm just trying to keep my stress level from getting too high. If I keep steady, I should finish this Type 2 song, write the Type 5 song (the last one!), and revise what I've got for recording on Saturday and Sunday. At the moment, I'm just trying to take things a step at a time.

The Enneagram Day 29

After spending the entire day freaking out about how I wasn't going to write a song and I wasn't going to finish my album or my project, I went home, and I wrote not one, but TWO songs. TWO songs.

Once I clean up what I have, I've got SEVEN songs. I'm almost done!

I want to try to get the next 2 songs done by sunday, if possible. That way, I have plenty of time to record.  My final goal is to make copies of the CDs with booklets inside and hand them out. I'm going to need decent time recording my songs to a produceable level, and then physically creating them. My goal is in sight. I think I can do this. 

The Enneagram: Day 27, It's Not Getting Better

Since I knew I've been spending a lot of time putting off songwriting, I set today to go to the basement, sit down and write. No running away. No doing something else. No being afraid.

What did I get? Nothing of course.

When I write, I feel I sound like a whiny teenager. There's something I'm not doing right. There's something I'm not getting, something I need help with. But what? What is that thing?

Part of me tells me I'm just complaining and I'm giving up because it's getting hard. It says that I just have to grow up and do stuff on my own. This is probably true. I went back downstairs to brainstorm 3 times before I sat down to write this because of that voice in my head.

I don't want to complain. The reason I keep complaining, the reason I keep writing these blogposts, is because I'm just trying to figure out that thing. I'm trying to make sense of my brain, but it doesn't want me to.

It feels like if I want to be upset, I can only express myself in a mature kind of way. It has to be through well written poetry, or songs. But you know, sometimes I can't make my sadness worth anything. I can't push my emotions through some grinder and mold them into something beautiful. It's just pain.

I love everything about music except for actually make it. Problem is, I'm stubborn, and I want to have power. I don't want to just do what other people are doing. I want to make my own stuff. And I want to do everything.

So what can I do at this point?

I need some sort of help with writing. I'm been teaching myself stuff for a while now, but I can't teach myself this. I need projects to do. I need training. I need to know what's good and what's bad, what I'm doing right or wrong.

I got a book with songwriting/writing exercises, I think I'll start trying that. That would be a good start. And I can share my writing with my community, even the scraps.

The Enneagram: Day 26, Looking for Words

Every single night this week I haven't been able to sleep. I'm just lying in bed with this empty feeling that I need to express, but I can't put into words. I'm frustrated. With what?

I don't feel like I'm connecting to my Enneagram project.

I saw Jei's blogpost on how he plans to make the documentary about him and his family, so honest. And what am I doing? Making songs based of my mental conceptions of what I believe a certain person to be. There's a distance, not only between me and the music, but between me and my understanding of others.

When I don't know how I feel or when I can't sleep, I usually try to write poetry. I opened the notebook on my bedstand and looked through some of the pages. As I reread my past writings, I amazed myself. Although many of the poems were strict to rhythm and somewhat trite, they used such rich vocabulary, and such great rhymes. It's the kind of things where slight revision could make them great.

One of them I found was called "Ode to a Past Friend"

It's funny to look and think

How at one time we used to be linked

By friendship

I suppose as we grow old

Our bond goes cold 

And withers

At one time you were like the rest

Awkward, insecure

Strange but lovable demure

I suppose as the quiet one

It makes you the one to deserve a better friend

I tried my best 

But it was the end

You changed your hair

You changed your name

You changed your face

You changed your game

And as that makeup gives you veil

Your insides become more stale

Until you become black and hollow

As you glare with shadowed eyes

I catch of glimpse of blue

And cold

I guess is goes

As we grow old

Those faithful eyes of gold

For what was probably 12 AM at night, I'd say that ain't such a bad poem. I found another one which was a lot shorter, but said quite a lot.

Each day I live inside a box

I try to scream

No one talks

I try to find a sure escape

I bang the box

It calls me lame

I try to make a little hold

So I can see

Or maybe more

But all that I can do is breathe

It's much too tough

I'll never leave

I always feel so much more connected to myself when I write straight than when I write with music. It's so easy to hide when you play music. As long as the words you say sound good, it doesn't matter as much what they are or what they mean. I could read a paragraph from a textbook in rhythm and it'd probably work.

In poetry and other writing though, it's different. It's just you. The only place to hide is behind rhyme and rhythm, and you have to provide the words. It's like fitting pieces to a puzzle to get the exact phrase the way you want it to.

I try to incorporate this kind of stuff into my songwriting, but it's so difficult. It's either too blatant or too obscure. Certain words don't sound good when sung. In addition to making a story I also have to worry about the music being at least vaguely interesting.

Not to mention that at this moment, I don't even know what I'm so upset about. It's probably just hormones. Being a teenager is so difficult. You're filled with emotional feelings you don't know how to understand and sexual feelings you're not allowed to express. You've gained enough knowledge about the world to realize how such a miserable place it is, but not enough knowledge to know how to cope with it. You feel empty all the time, but you don't know how to fill the hole.

I guess I'm supposed to find songs to write from this empty hole in my heart. But as I feel empty in myself, all I get from my songs is nothing. 

The Enneagram: Day 25

For Type 7 (aka myself), I imagined making a recording with lots of random sounds.

Today, I made a recording with lots of random sounds. Does it sound good? Well, the drums are totally off-beat, but other than that I think my experiment was a success.


Type 7 (Ver 1) by Ellen Cooper

I'm not sure if the intro fits, but I love it so much I almost don't want to take it away (Ellen, don't be too attached!). I plan on rerecording this, at least for the drums.

This took me about 3 straight hours of recording. I think I'm going to take a nap now.

The Enneagram: Day 24

I figured out exactly what I want to do for my CD booklet. Whether I can do it, time will tell, but I know I want to.

My idea is to have a regular profile view picture of a person on one page. On the adjacent page, it's the same person, but the image is changed based on the kind of mental projections each Enneagram type puts onto a person.

For example, through the lens of a Type 6, a normal person may look like a horrible monster.

This is my example for Type 1. Since the perfectionist is always searching for flaws in others, I imagine them analyzing everyone they meet, perhaps looking like this.

I do not think that Julian has strange glasses, or hair, or mouth. In fact, when I tried to edit this picture with insults, I couldn't do it. I think I'll have to make the Type 1 myself, because I only feel ok being heavily critical of myself.

Anyway, I've got ideas for each type. Not sure if they're set in stone yet.

Type 1: Analyzing of flaws

Type 2: Analyzing positive features OR a hand from the side holding a present

Type 3: Analyzing of characteristics to adapt to (not so sure on this one)

Type 4: The only one without a basic photo, one will be bright and the other one will be dark (black/white)

Type 5: A clear glass is placed in front of the person's face

Type 6: The person puts on a monster mask OR Anika does some really scary makeup

Type 7: The person is covered all over with hands reaching out from the edges of the picture

Type 8: The person has a bulls eye on their forehead, or maybe their heart (or maybe something else)

Type 9: No projection. The 9 sees all points of view (does that work?)

The Enneagram: Day 23

So I wrote a whole blog post and it just got deleted because I accidentally clicked the tiny red button trying to click to a new tab. ARGH! This will be abridged, because I'm not writing everything I said again.

Today I started out taking random pictures for my CD booklet. I got this really cool one of Scott and I feel like I could use it for something or other.

I decided for my Type 7 song I want it to be pure instrumental, sort of based off Soul Sacrifice by Santana. I hope to include a bunch of random instruments in a semi-comprehendible cacophony of noise.

For this song I wanted to include a clip from this Balkan song in which the singers use a very unusual vocal technique. A few singers sing pitches half-steps apart from each other, and it causes a bend in the sound waves that creates "beats", or a strange break in the noise.

The track had drums on part of it though, and I wanted to see if there was any way I could take them off. I started fooling around with Garageband and I realized, heck I know nothing about audio recording. So many of the terms confuse me like hell. But I'm going to try to define them. If anyone can help explain what I don't get, then that'd be great.

Noise Gate: A device that controls the volume of tracks, only allowing in sounds that are higher than the threshold

Threshold: The level in which the gate (sound in this case I suppose) will open

Release: The time for the gate to go from open to closed

Attack: How long it takes for the gate to go from closed to open, fade-in

Reverb: An echoey effect, like the way sound is reflected in a concert hall

Echo: Much more echoey than reverb, like shouting a word in a cave, an entire phrase is repeated back

Phaser: Sends a sound through different wavelengths

Flanger: Plays two identical copies of a sound, one only miliseconds after the other

Gain: How loud a signal is amplified by an amplifier (?)

Compressor: From what I've seen, really similar to a Noise gate

Equalizer: Shapes frequencies of sound

Overdrive: A distortion effect

Hopefully soon, all of these random sound adjustments will make sense to me. But I don't think I'm gonna remove that drum track. It's ok, because there's one part where the singers sing in a cappella. But that doesn't make up for the fact that I'm lacking basic audio recording knowledge.

The Enneagram: Day 22

Today, Jessica and I were sitting outside the STAC room, not doing much of anything. We were both pretty stuck. So I proposed an idea. "Why don't I write your script and you write my songs?" Swiftly, I took her laptop and she took my notebook and we began anew.

The interesting thing about Jessica's script was how similar it was to my life. Basically, it's about two kids and their mother who argue constantly. I don't want to give much away, because I don't know if Jessica is keeping this a surprise, but I'll say a few things.

One of the characters in the script is this girl Laurel, who enjoys using her intellectual sophistication to prove her superiority and to make her mother and brother feel awful. When I was reading it, I thought "Oh my god, this so like me." I'm not saying that Laurel is particularly a mirror image of me, but somehow I felt this connection to her like she was another face of myself.

Because this script was so similar to myself, I just continued it onward, based on my imagination. I invented situations in my head based on how my family argues plus the worst case scenario I could imagine. Man, it's so much easier when I don't have to think about poetic phrasing.

I hope that Jessica thought my additions were useful, because some of the stuff she gave me was brilliant.

I asked Jessica to try her best to write about Type 1 on the Enneagram, and she came up with this great little phrase.

It's not my fault

If you can't listen

I'm a riot

And if I christen

You a liar

And I, a saint

I won't let you taint

My holy friar

Heck Jessica, maybe you ought to take a shot as some poetry. And maybe I should as well, for practice.

Basically, I spent today playing around with what I got. Making slow progress. I'll get somewhere. Eventually.