Today, I've been making more gradual progress. I've started writing the song for Type 6, and it's coming out to be pretty cool, even though I'm not working with any particularly interesting rhythms. The chorus (I think it will be the chorus) goes like this
You say a lot of funny things so brave and bold
Now tell me all the little things you've never told
Brave and bold sound a bit funny to me, but it seems generally effective so I'll hold onto it. It's just a matter of fitting in all the sections and making it coherent. This is something I have a good amount of difficulty with
Because I'm trying so many songs in such short time (what do we have, 6 weeks?) they've all been pretty short and sweet. My goal is to try my best to get the 9, even if I only get about 1 or 2 good songs out of it. How many people can say they make their first full-length album at 15? Ok, maybe Kate Bush. But not the point. If all goes well, I hope to record both songs on Sunday. If not, I hope to record at least one.
Since this past week hasn't been treating me so well, I've decided to try and lay off the overwhelming workload by taking things piece by piece. I've temporarily halted my research so I can focus on what I've already learned. Also, I'm going to try to get to bed a lot earlier. Thus, a short post for today. Perhaps for the future too. Depends on my feelings/time day to day.
4 days in and this project is already driving me crazy.
Perhaps it's not smart for me to work heavily on my project considering I have not one, but two All-State auditions to prepare for, not to mention that I'm still a student in high school (which has been really getting in the way). I really just can't help but work on it. I can't help but work on everything. And I love it.
But it's been taking a toll on me already. Every time I'm in class and my teacher turns their back, I'm out with my book on The Enneagram. I finish my quizzes early just to read. I rush through assignments, just to read. Perhaps I'm trying to rush through the book too fast, but my own enthusiasm is pushing me quickly, and I figure it's best to go with my internal flow.
My enthusiasm is my best friend, and my worst enemy.
It's probably bad that I've been dozing off during school, but to me, it's no different than when I'm working on a school musical and I'm working all hours of the day. I love it. It kills me. But enough of my obsessive habits.
One thing I've been doing during my project is trying to find people in my own life who fit the Enneagram types, and understanding them better, being a better friend. Learning about the way people work has made me so insightful of others, and I'm beginning to realize the way I treat people is much more hurtful to them then I thought,
I have a friend, who is definitely a Type 3. She's obsessed with grades, tries to get brownie points with teachers, and tries to be the best in a group. Personally, I tend to have trouble with these kinds of people because to me they seem shallow, obnoxious, and selfish. Often with this friend I'd make sarcastic comments, like "Oh no, you only got a 99?" Come on, we've all done it.
After reading the chapter on Type 3 though, my opinions started to change. There are people in the world who work at material gains because that's what they learned, and that's what their scope is. When you insult a person for this, it actually really hurts them, because they view their achievements as the only thing that gives them worth.
Perhaps that might've been obvious if I looked further, but that really gave me a punch in the face. First, it told me that people believe in much different values than I do. Secondly, it taught me to be accepting of such values, for the desire to success is no less important my desire to gain insight on the world. Also, I do the same thing, to a certain extent.
Today, me and my Type 3 friend were working on an English paper in the computer lab. I finished my paper at 2 and a half pages. She was already at 3 pages, still with much more left to write.
Her: "Ellen, how do you keep your papers so short?"
Me: "I try to find what's important and focus on that."
Her: "But everything seems so important."
As a Type 3, of course she's the kind of person who will fluff her assignments until they hit proper length with information that seems fitting to what the teacher wants. I expected that. What I didn't expect what when she asked me,
"Do you think you can read over my work? I'm trying to get better at focusing on the important subjects. I don't want to make an overly long paper."
Following my goal to be a better and more understanding friend, I said yes.
Her: "Are you sure? It's probably going to be around 5 pages."
Me: "I think I can handle it. I love revising papers." (True fact! Student grammar hurts my brain, I can't help but fix it.)
Her: "Thank you so much!"
Who knew that taking on an art project would make me a better person?
Oy vey, I'm thinking so much I'm nearly forgetting about the music itself. I have my Type 3 song almost whole, and I've been experiencing with some fun effects on my amp. My goal is to record it on Sunday, even if it's not finished. Because I'm trying to make so much music in so little time, I need to be efficient, and set myself hard deadlines.
The only issue I'm having is with lyrics. A lot of my lyrics are contrived and obvious, and to be honest, I'm thinking about throwing out my song altogether. On the other hand, there are some parts I like, so I don't want to give up yet. Focusing on a Type 3's ability to take on other personas in order to get ahead and losing identity is what I'm really focusing on. The first verse goes like this.
I play guitar
So I can be
Like a real musician
I wear my hair
Over my eyes
So I seem indifferent
Ok, maybe it's corny. But it's honest, and I kind of like it, especially in 5/4. I'm starting to really trip over myself though.
Alright I've been typing for about 25 minutes and I still have to practice for All-State so I think it's time for me to end this. But tune in tomorrow!
Today, I've spent a lot of time trying to make sense of a large amount of information. Before I work too fan on my songs, I believe I need to acquire a full understanding of the personality type for which I'm writing about. After reading up on Enneagrams though, it seems like it's one of those things where in order for me to understand any time of personality I must learn ALL the types of personalities because they're so intertwined. At least I need to learn the 3 basic types (Type 3, Type 6, Type 9).
With this motivation, I've been reading through my book at record speed, already having read through Type 3 and Type 6, and now starting Type 9. Even though it feels a bit rushed for me, I figure that once I get the concepts, I can go back and look in detail about the personality type I'm focusing on.
After learning more knowledge, I've found myself asking many questions that are leaving me deeply conflicted.
Does every person start as a clean slate, only to be warped and manipulated by the people around them into becoming scarred and damaged?
Why are the aspects of each personality viewed so negatively?
Is there a way that human could not possibly be damaged by their environment?
Why can't parents just freaking love their children?
This is almost existential crisis over here. Perhaps we just have to accept that everyone becomes "scarred" over time. But I almost don't agree.
To me, it seems like normal human adaptation. A person adjusts themselves to the environment that they live in. If that's the case though, why are we trying so hard to go back to the clean slate of childhood?
Does a clean slate even exist?
To me, this idea of a clean slate seems purely an ideal. I'm sure a child wouldn't say they feel open to everything in the world, that they're completely fearless.
Some of the personality traits that we acquire in this way are detrimental to us. That I understand. That is what I find the most fascinating about unconscious psychology. What I'm wondering is why are we expected to reach a goal that couldn't possibly exist?
My theory is that a person's personality is determined by three factors
Initial personality (one we are born with)
A person's environment
General human nature
Maybe my project is about proving the theory of the enneagram wrong but the concept of the enneagram right. Maybe I'm trying to figure just what truly makes a person, a person. Maybe I'm trying to figure out if I'm a person, instead of a monster.
I've been making progress on my song for Type 3. But I think I'll save talking about that for tomorrow.
Yesterday when I was sitting in class, I started to brainstorm possible projects I could do with the plentiful time that I had. What could I do with music?
That's when the idea popped into my head. Make a concept album based off of the Enneagram. 9 personalities. 9 songs. Perfect.
I'm just going to start by posting my fill in for the outline. I'll probably update it over the course of the project as things change. For now, these are my beginning goals.
Project: The Enneagram
Artistic Intention/Terrain of Inquiry
Why do people act the way they do?
How to people develop psychological defenses?
How do our psychological defenses destroy our lives?
How can you learn to understand others?
Is it possible for us to tap into our full potential as a human being?
Technical Intention
Practicing stealing from other musicians
Making songs that are whole (that don't sound pasted together)
Experimenting with genres and the fusion of such
Learning more music theory to add flavor to my songs
Working in a recording studio with technology and equipment
Gaining confidence to perform my music live and giving good stage presence
Influences
The Enneagram (of course)
Freudian psychology
Rock/Pop musicians (Cold War Kids, The Beatles, Kate Bush, Tune-Yards, St. Vincent, Gorillaz)
Some Jazz (like the song Take 5)
Balkan Brass (Veveritse, Slavic Soul Party)
Community
Cheerleaders: Emily, Jessica, Anika, and all the other lovely people at the back corner lunch table
Coaches: Luke, I suppose
Sounding Boards: Scott, and anyone else who cares to listen
Commiserators: My parents (they're GREAT to complain to/enthuse with because we agree on everything. I suppose that's what they raised me for).
Me:
Moral support (at the moment)
Process Documentation:
Lots and lots of notes in my notebook (and other places)
Recordings of songs (which I hope to generate)
Outline of Enneagram system (which I hope to post with due time, perhaps when I finish the book I am reading)
This blog
Let me start from the beginning of the project as I've worked on it so far.
I'd say the work on this project really started for me when I first listened to "Robbers and Cowards" by Cold War Kids. Even though I've been a fan of them ever since Phil Jimenez introduced me to them last year, I never listened to their first album until now. For me, it's a complete and utter game changer.
There are so many things in that album Cold War Kids does right, even though the songs often have no more than 3 chords. With the simplicity, they made great melodies, catchy rhythms, and songs that really stick with out.
My favorite songs on the album in particular are "Hang Me Out to Dry" (2 chords) and "Saint John" (maybe 3 chords?). "Saint John" in particular was the greatest game changer for me.
One problem I have with most rock music is its simple sound, simple rhythms, and general irritatingness over long periods of time. I've been frustrated with myself ever since I started making music because I couldn't help but fall into this very trap. It's made me believe that my songs are mediocre, causing me to try to create complexity that I couldn't do because I simply was not at a high level of skill.
Then, I heard this song. Almost no chord progression, same melody all the way through, but it was amazing. The chanting, the rhythm, the passion. I figured this song may even reach father approval level (he's usually my standard for real quality music).
So I showed it to my dad. He noticed something very interesting. The song had ragtime rhythm, where the beat could be counted in 2 or 3 at the same time. This simple little song is more complex than most generic pop music.
Heck, I can do something like that.
Thus I set my goal for the project: songs with complex rhythms and not complex chord progressions, great melodies, and experimentation with different genres.
As soon as I set my mind on this project, I literally could not stop thinking about possible songs. I started hearing melodic riffs in my head and noting them down via writing and audio recording on my phone. On the first day I had an idea about what 4 of my songs were going to sound like. One sounds like Cold War Kids, one sounds Balkan, one sounds 20s theatre, and one sounds cool jazz. Will I use these all? Probably not, but it's sure a good start.
I've been going crazy over this project already. Today in school, I found myself almost completely unable to focus because I had so many sounds, words, and information, moving through my head at the same time.
Reading into the enneagrams, I've even started being more perceptive of people. I feel a warmer, bluish feeling around everyone.
Now to get to what I was working on today. After reading the introduction to the enneagram system (which I will write more in depth about once I gain a greater understanding and I have more time to write), I decided to start with learning about personality #3. One of the theories of the enneagram is the way it works in threes, so that type 3, 6, and 9 are the main types, and the other numbers are variations. Type 3 is obsessed with feelings, type 6 with fear/paranoia, and type 9 with anger/frustration.
While remembering the random music riffs I though of last night, I started to hear a piano playing in 5/4 time signature for type 3. Based on my goals of learning various genres and music as well as extending music theory knowledge, I decided heck, why not give a song in 5/4 a shot. As long as I keep the chords simple, I think I can handle it.
After looking over my notes, I figured out a basic chord progression from the song. It starts with an Em7, slides into a D bar chord without the third finger for a G6. Then, I follow that with placing back down the 3rd finger for a D major.
I knew I couldn't write a song in 5/4 without listening to "Take 5" first. When I listened to it though, I realized how much I stole. I also realized, this is ok, because any jazz-like song in 5/4 is Take 5, and if I add my own variations it becomes a creature of my own.
The problem here was writing lyrics. Who thought it'd be so hard to fit words into 5/4? The English language is definitely not meant for 5/4. My mind is going between jazz like melodies and rap like chanting, as well as multiple personas in the same song. I'm trying to avoid multiple personas in my songs because that makes them confusing to perform, but I'll just see where this one leads me.
Although this 5/4 is a challenge (and probably an unnecessary one), I'm having way to much fun to quit yet. I'll just see how it grows.
As you guys probably know, I am currently in Florida attending a wedding. Not only am I wearing shorts, but I happened to learn about the Miami art scene during my stay.
Over here, my mom has a friend by the name of Jude Papaloko. He's a painter/visual artist/musician from Haiti, and a lot of his work is based of Haition mythology and Vodu. This morning, he gave me and my mom a tour of his gallery, which was in a newer location than the last time I visited. Inside the gallery were various African looking sculptures, women growing branches, and plenty of images of Toussant, among other things. Jude set out some burning incense and returned to his studio while my mom and I roamed though.
The original painting of this is owned by John Legend.
I also got to take a look at his studio. The space was small, but it still seemed large enough for the wooden art pieces he's creating. Right now it seems he's in the process of making large lips which are to be painted over in resin (?) if that's the right term.
The places in which artists live and work are so interesting (by this I'm implying all artist, not just visual artists). A creative person always seems to add personality to their environment. In addition to works in progress, Jude also had plenty of Haitian instruments and strange sculptures.
To me, it seems like an artist's studio is their home base. They work in a comfortable environment, and then they go out into the world for when they have meetings and things. It's a whole cycle of eat, work, meet with business, work, sleep, wakeup, repeat. You're gliding through life instead of working on a strict schedule. Reality is very intense.
Probably one of the coolest things we did during the visit though was just walking around the area. Jude's studio is located in one of the most amazing art centers I have ever seen. Literally every building has a large unique mural, created by each artist who owns a studio there.
There's really a sense of artistic community. While looking at one of the murals, we ran into some artists that were Jude's friends. Right away, they brought me and my mom into their studio and started talking about their exhibitions. I never imagined a place where artists live an thrive in this way could actually exist. In New York, we don't have this kind of thing where easily rent out well spaced studios and make large murals. Most art is condensed into general galleries or museums (at least that's what I've seen, but I could be wrong).
I know they say that New York is the art center of the world, but damn is Miami a great place to be an artist (and a tourist).
It's funny how all of us in the songwriting workshop were able to crack out songs in 2 periods on the fly, but with a project that's due on Sunday, we're all mysteriously stuck. Why?
Deadlines.
Humans as a species have trouble moving forward. This is why I believe that being an artist is one of the most difficult occupations in existence. In most general office jobs, a boss gives you a project and a dead line to get it done by. If you do not not complete this project, you fail, and you lose your job. Not only are you given a timed task, you're also given an incentive.
Artists have to do that work completely on our own. This takes a very high level of discipline.
Sure, right now we have Luke to breathe down our backs and kick our butts when we feel discouraged and uninspired, but when we finally grow out of high school age and have to work on our own, we have to be our own butt kicker. We have to figure out a way to follow our deadlines.
I think the reason it is so difficult for us to give ourselves deadlines is because it's so easy to negotiate with ourselves. You think, "I have a lot of work to do today, can I complete this tomorrow?" and in response, your brain tells you, "Sure, I understand, it's no problem." This is BAD. On the other hand though, would you rather have your brain telling you, "No, if you don't get this done I'm going to punish you." Would you punish yourself? Most likely you wouldn't want to.
Self-discipline; such a vital skill, but so challenging to achieve.
Recently, to teach myself discipline, I've began developing new system for myself. I'm giving myself tasks and telling myself I need to complete them by a certain day or time, even if I do not want to/have to. Perhaps one day I will be able to work completely this way. First though, I must practice and start with the basics.
Since I've started practicing songwriting regularly I've noticed something interesting. Sometimes, when I'm bored sitting in class, or I'm walking down the street, I hear songs playing in my head. Not songs I've heard before. My mind literally starts to make up songs for the purpose of entertaining me. If only I was able to write them down.
One thing I've found about these songs I hear in my head is that I can't write them down for one reason: technical ability. I go to play the chords on my guitar or piano, but then I get caught in an endless loop of simplistic chords and the freedom that I had in my head is lost and forgotten.
When I sat down to write a song today, I got it done, sure I did. In my opinion though, it was mediocre. And I'm fine with saying this because it was a task and I was getting it done. But you know what I did in response? As soon as I got home I started writing ANOTHER blues song because I thought the one I made wasn't good enough (also I heard one in my head on the way home, probably had the chords on the brain).
In this second song I made, I ended up getting stuck after the first verse. But the first verse I wrote wasn't bad. I think I'm getting better at this.
I'm the kind of person that craves difficult work. The more projects I have, the happier I am because I love the feeling of getting stuff done. Unless I suck at everything I'm doing. Cause that just sucks.
At any rate, I think I'm getting closer to that little thing artists call "passion". Frankly, music has become an obsession. I just have to keep doing and doing it until I get it right, which I know one day I will. Until then, I'll just have to wait. Thankfully though with my brain on survival mode making a song a day, I'm not bored. I'm excited.
