The Enneagram: A Second Chance!

So today (well tonight) I've been working on getting the songs ready for mixing tomorrow. And two very magical things happened.

1. I successfully rewrote Type 5

Honestly, I'd been working at this for a while. I spent hours on it today, and hours throughout the week. I had some cool riffs, but they didn't fit together. The song didn't sound whole. I tried a whole bunch of stuff. I searched for copyright free recordings of Bach Partitas and put vocal overdubs. I created an audio play. I had computerized voices say 5-like phrases to reflect on their lack of emotionality. It was about 9PM, and I thought I was going to settle on the computer voices, but the thought came to my head, "What if you added a little song at the end." The Bach song I stole was in Bb, so I played a Bb chord to brainstorm. Then, I played an A major. I started humming a little.

And then I wrote an entire song with only two chords. 

Both of those chords are major chords that are a half step away from each other. I thought that the song would sound annoying and repetitive, but it's still stuck in my head right now. I think it might be the first song on the album that I've chosen to listen to multiple times because I like it. That's a big deal.

For the new version, I've discovered a way to give someone a promo code discount on Bandcamp. I'll set it as a single, and I'll give you guys the password for a free download. It'll be worth it.

2. My voice got better

How ironic. My last blog post I was talking about my lack of confidence in my voice. But after working on my Type 5 song, my voice got (gasp) better! I swear! I'm starting to understand how it works better. When I sing, I feel my throat and airpipe opening farther. I'm able to give longer, more confident notes. My voice doesn't waver as much as it used to. For the past 2 hours or so, I've been re-recording vocals on almost all the songs, cause I'm just in a singy mood.

I hope to pick up a book on singing soon. Singing for Dummies, something like that. I think that all I needed to make my voice better was practice. And now, I've had more practice. 

I'm progressing up the musical train of life.

Yesterday I went to Luke's art show and talked to a few other musicians. The more I talk to people, the easier it gets. The easier it is to make connections. I'm really excited to put my album on Bandcamp and get it out there. That way when people ask, "You made an album?" I can say, "Yes I did, and you can go buy it here!" instead of "Yeah, and you can hear it. Eventually."

The Enneagram: I'll get it on Bandcamp, eventually...

GUYS THIS IS MY 100TH BLOG POST!
Sorry I just had to acknowledge that. I've written more, but I deleted a bunch of them because a lot of it was "Ah, I'm a teenager, I hate the world, my parents are crazy" blah blah. But the number of posts is at 100. And what a great way to end the year.

My project technically isn't over until I get it on Bandcamp I suppose. To be honest though, I've just spent this last week being lazy and embracing the fact that I have free time. I taught myself some calligraphy.

I started out writing European countries, but then I thought that was being prejudice,
so I wrote the names of all sorts of countries.
Also I love seeing the names of such turbulent countries in beautiful text.
Sounds like a great idea for a FOT piece of art.

Since I'm getting sort of a "second life" with this album, I've been using this as a chance to rewrite Type 5, the song I dislike, and do it better. For that song, I've experimented a little bit with counterpoint. At the moment it's a completely jumbled up mess, but hopefully I'll be able to get things together before I leave for sleepaway camp.

Also, I want to revise a few parts, redo some vocals. I am not that great at singing. I really don't know why. Perhaps it's an issue of confidence, but whenever I sing I don't feel, legitimate? At this point I am completely fine with everything else, but I don't know what to do about that. I took some singing lessons briefly but I don't think I learned all that much. Maybe I just need practice. In our society, it always seems like only those with beautiful voices have permission to sing. This makes me sad, because I think singing is fun and we should all sing regardless of our vocal abilities. But I digress.

It's really important I get this on bandcamp. A bunch of friends and people I know who don't live near here want copies, and I need to start getting my name out.

Luke, when do you want to mix the album?

The Enneagram: Reflections

Well. STAC Night. That was pretty cool, huh?

I still remember one of the first STAC Nights I went to. There was a girl singing a song with a guy playing the piano. Luke announced that the girl wrote the song herself, and that blew my mind. See when I was younger, I thought only incredibly special people were physically able to make music, like old composers or gritty rock stars. But teenagers? No way.

And of course my sophomore year I write my first album, sell it, and autograph it. People are listening to my music. And I did it all by myself.

Ever since I got really interested in music, I've always asked myself, how do the musicians become successful? When people interview them, what do they have to show? And how do I do that? I think that was a major pushing force in making my album. I just wanted to do something incredible. I've always had that excess energy inside of me that needed to be put towards something worthwhile. That's why I play so many instruments.

Now what happens?

Seniors are leaving. I'm going to be an upperclassman. Things are going to change. I have no clue what the future will bring.

I should probably think more about my artistic issues. Now that I've gotten practice in making music, I want to start making music about something important and make a difference in this world. Problem is, I don't know how.

After seeing so many videos in social studies of 3rd world countries in conflict, people with their families killed, homes destroyed, I want to do something.

At the same time though, I think of all the confused people in America, who feel stuck in dead end jobs and unhappy lives. I want to give them hope and meaning.

The world really sucks.

I feel conflicted constantly. There's so much in my life, and so much missing.

I don't even know why I'm writing this at all. I thought I had something important to say, but it's just starting to become nonsense talk.

I think I'm just frustrated because now I don't have a clear path. Before I thought, make the album, everything will be better. But now it's done, and my life kind of generally feels the same. No better, no worse.

What is happiness anyway? Where is it? Why have so few people found it? Most importantly, what do I have to do to reach happiness?

For now, I'm going to spend my summer on musical hiatus. I'll be doing improv, and hopefully I'll get better because at this point I'm still pretty bad at it. I want to teach myself a few languages, like ASL, Spanish, and Portuguese. Languages are a great way to feel like you're part of the international community. Maybe I'll even try reading some French novels, although I'm not so great at French. I just want to be doing something of importance. Or maybe I just want to be important.

That would explain a lot.

The Enneagram: Day 43, I should be happy right now

But is it weird that I'm not?

Everything's blowing over my head. People are nice, it makes me confused. I make a whole album, I still feel like I'm not a real musician. I feel crushed by the psychological pressure of all of my musician friends who've already been performing, sharing music, and getting themselves out there. Even now, I'm feel embarrassed to admit I created an entire album.

Of course I'm proud of myself. It was a pretty good feat. But I'm not happy. At least not at this moment.

Why can't I just sit down and say to myself, "Ellen, you did a good job." Everyone else has been saying it. I know it's true. But I can't accept it yet.

For my next project, I definitely want to do something in a group. It's great to do things all by myself, but I feel so lonely all the time. Perhaps I just cut myself off. It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

People ask me, how did you even accomplish a whole CD? Simple. I did it. I put work into it, so it's not a huge surprise to me or anything. But thanks for the kind words. I really take it to heart.

I'll probably feel better tomorrow when my CDs are put out at STAC Live and everyone enjoys them.

Dear goodness. Luke told me today I was married to music. It's so true. I'm in love with music. And I always feel like it's cheating on me.

The Enneagram: Day 42

I recorded and fixed the recordings of every song. I didn't have a kazoo for Type 8 because I left it at the school, so that track isn't so good. The other tracks are decent though.

I also added a second intro part in which I list the types with a one word description (Type 1, the Reformer). It sounds pretty good.

I suppose at this point all I have to do is get everything printed and put together. Tomorrow I have to perform with the Jazz Band at senior awards, and still get my homework done. Not to mention print all the booklets, cut them, staple them (my parents bought me a 15 inch stapler, it's very bizarre looking), put the stickers on the CDs, load all the track onto every CD, and then put it all together.

Is it crazy that even though I've gotten so much work done I STILL feel like I could be in better shape?

But what can you do. I'm going to bring in a copy for Luke. Then I'll get the rest in by STAC night.

Are you guys sure people won't mind listening to a recording without visuals?

The Enneagram: Day 41, What should the cover be?

I really need to work on recording. I've been getting lazy, I know. Or maybe I'm taking a necessary break. After all, I wasn't home until 2:30 last night as I spent most of the day either going out or sleeping. But I haven't finished the recording yet.

I have however been thinking about the cover for the album. At first I thought, well of course put the Enneagram on the cover. After thinking it over though, I wasn't sure if that would be best. After all, the symbol is already on the CD, and wouldn't two copies be overkill? Also, even if I showed clear image examples of it, no ones going to understand what it means unless they look it up themselves. So should the cover be something else?

For some reason, the idea popped into my head to take of picture of me sitting on the floor wearing a dress and holding a crumpled up paper heart in my hand. Almost like the person teared the heart from their body and destroyed it, which is one of the principal ideas of the Enneagram. I created a make-shift tripod by hanging my camera from the mic stand and I took this creepy picture.

I liked the blurriness

I edited it over a little, and I added an Enneagram symbol with a swan in it, because pasted text looks awful and swans are pretty.

I think it's kind of cool. But why didn't I just leave this as a surprise? Well, I think it might be a little ridiculous. I feel like I'm taking myself way too seriously, that having a cover like that is overdoing it. Not to mention that it doesn't have much to do with the album, and it looks like someone who's just gone through a bad breakup.

I also need to figure out how to present during STAC Live. At this moment it looks like I'm going to be making a slideshow video of some sort, but a slideshow of what exactly? I've kind of put off thinking about it, but tomorrow is Sunday, and it is essentially my last day to work. This means I have to figure it out soon. But I'm sure I'll get something. I always do.

The Enneagram: Day 39, It's a beauty!

So I've been working on the physical side of producing the CD. Since a CD booklet prints 3 sheets stapled together, I can't print page 1, 2, and 3 one after the other. After trying to mathematically calculate which page prints where, Luke gave me the idea of cutting out sheets of paper, folding them together, and using them as a reference. Duh. Why couldn't I think of that?

Today I got a very important aspect of production solved. The CD sticker. I picked up one of those CD sticker kits at Staples and worked on learning to use it. The kit came with a CD, some sticker sheets, and a tool called the CD stomper which is used to align the sticker onto the CD.

CD SMASH!!!!

The program was a bit difficult. I uploaded a lovely picture of the Enneagram, but it cut off the numbers at the edges, and it wouldn't let me adjust the size of the background to include the numbers. I tried adjusting it in Preview, but Preview wasn't helpful. Man, I really wish Macs had paint. In the end, I went onto my free trial of Adobe Photoshop Elements and extending the white background. The new image fit the CD template perfectly.

It continued to print quite well onto the CD sticker.

And after I used the stomper, I got a CD.

Oh man. It's so beautiful. And it's only a little bit distorted, which I might be able to make a quick fix for. That checks another thing off the list. Now to get the booklet printed and the rest of the CD recorded. I bought "Presentation Paper", which will hopefully be tougher than regular printer paper. It looks like I'll be spending my Sunday in production mode.