I know that we're going to do a reflection on the project in two weeks, but I want to reflect a little here, while my thoughts and feelings are still fresh in my mind.
I'm a bit disappointed in myself. Not because I thought the project came out badly. In my opinion, it sounded great. However, I feel like I didn't put enough effort into it. I chose a project that was too easy. Most of the tools I understood, and I wasn't doing anything particularly out of my comfort zone, like so many of the bold and brave people did today.
You all did a really good job. I mean that. My letdown is purely a product of my own feelings, and not because I felt personally attacked.
While I was reflecting on my disappointment, I realized something. Last year, I made a whole album in 40 days. Of course I feel like I'm falling short. Now that I've achieved something so great, I have to not only rank myself against the world of music, but I have to rank myself against myself. I've created an entirely new standard, and I failed to realize that while setting my goals, and I failed to realize that until now.
One of the biggest motivators in my life is humiliation. When my teacher shames me for not practicing, or my friends insult me for bad behavior, I always make it my goal to do better next time in order to redeem myself. Maybe that's just my ego talking. I like to take advantage of it, so I can keep improving.
Right now, it's time for me to find what to do next. I have a few options. One thing I could try is to make a better album, inspired by something completely different, using tools and techniques I've never done before. Another thing I could do is pursue this interest in audio engineering, or synthesizers.
Or I could take a deeper look into some other genres of music in the world spectrum. On my obnoxiously large hard drive, I've put a plethora of world music. In addition to that I've been really cultivating an interest in world affairs (another obsession of mine).
I suppose this is one of the main difficulties of an artist. How do you reinvent yourself?
No comments:
Post a Comment